The World's Name - Comments

comment swap.

So wow. Can I just leave that? ha You have a truly incredible gift. There is so much raw talent and emotion within your words. The descriptions felt so intensely real. And the end when she jumped, I swear I could feel his anger. It was quite a strong feeling. All in all this is an incredible piece and I will continue to read as I go along! Thank you so much for this. Truly phenomenal.

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I wasn’t sure what to expect from the description but this truly is an amazing piece of writing, the whole thing just flows beautifully. You have a way with words and your descriptions are so detailed and vivid.

I noticed one little error though. Dialouge should finish with a coma if its followed by a dialouge tag. For example “I want to fly.” Rose said, should have a coma. Other than that this story is perfect c:

Ok. So this was amazing. It reads beautifully and I just can't find any flaws in your writing. Your descriptions of the scene and the characters give them so much depth it's crazy! Rose does seem out of this world and I'm looking forward to reading what happens after this. With the male character leaving and the mysterious voice making it's entrance. I'm definitely recommending and subscribing.

Hope you update soon! :]

This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I love the description of Rose, and the description of the pain he felt when Rose jumped. This is the best thing I've read on here so far. You really have amazing potential as a writer. I still am a bit confused as to why Rose jumped and how she survived. Other than that, the description blew me away well done it was brilliant.

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seeing to it that this is an original fiction, i'm quite excited to see where you take this. the title itself was something that i was rather curious about and it seemed to pull me in. of course, i think the layout should be tied into the story somehow to bring a reader in fully and grasp their attention.

overall, the way you describe rose is beautiful. just the way you portray her as this breath taking individual makes me think of her as some fairytale princess and in the second paragraph, i think i fell in love with her as quickly as one could come by.

the ending paragraphs really put a chill through my body and just from the first chapter, i'm hooked.

I love the way the narrator talks about Rose in the first chapter. You can just tell that he thinks so highly of her and it comes through in the way he talks about her. To him, it's like she's this mystical unicorn that is close but so far away at the same time, and you can just tell that he wants to hold onto her forever.
I love the way Rose is keen on flying, too. It's like she just wants this escape and wants to find a way out of everything going on in her life. She has that fire for adventure, and I really like that about her!

Here from Le comment swap.
Oh my, this is wonderful. You have such a good imagination, you write so well too. You almost make the reader feel as if their in the story, like all this is happening to them. I loved that, it's a rare thing to find. Your descriptions are flawless, you put just the right amount in at just the right time. Amazing work here.

Okay first, oh my god! This is so great, now onto more specific comments.
I like the lengths of the chapters, it wouldn’t hurt for them to be a little longer, but I don’t think you’ll lose any readers over the length.
I love that you can switch between points of view without announcing it like a lot of stories do with “Blah’s POV” You have wonderfully detailed paragraphs that really put the reader into the story. Though I would mention the amount of description does make the actions of the story a little slow, but I also think that the slowness of the first two chapters is because of the emotionless of the moment so you wouldn’t want to speed it up.
I’m eager to see where the story goes and very excited to learn more about Rose. You’ve done a great job of describing her in a supernatural way without specifically telling us what she is; this creates an air of mystery that really makes the reader want more. I’m definitely subscribing.