March 29th, 2013 at 04:01pm
This was lovely. Uncertain love is something that a lot of people identify with and it's difficult to write about. Everyone's scared that the person they like doesn't like them back, or that they MIGHT light them back, but their unsure. It was adorable to see that they both had the same feelings. I was left wondering who broke up with who (this MIGHT have been answered). At first I thought he broke up with her, but then he also missed her, so I got confused.
I have issues reading stories in present tense, and this is just a personal preference. But I'd love to read it in past tense. I also think that more emotional description would be lovely. Besides that, I very much enjoyed this. Great job!
Firstly, your imagry is amazing, I can see everything you have written down. I love third person, I have trouble writing third person but you seem to have mastered it. Secondly, although, you could have phrased some of your sentances a little bit better. I'm not critisizing your diction or anything or your grammar, I just think some of the sentances didn't flow. I love how your characters are so pronouned yet we don't even know their names. Lastly, it is a very well written story and Im glad something like this has come to me.