Just an Old Man - Comments

I really enjoy this concept. Reading through your stuff, you're quickly becoming one of my favourites on Mibba because you write these stories that are so radically different from the typical stuff on Mibba.

Having lived in quite a few cities where homelessness was a huge problem, I can say I love the way you described everything about this man because it felt very real. I especially enjoyed the muttering and how you mentioned it makes people think he's crazy. It was nice to read the little details like that that clearly paint him as homeless without being one of those over the top people screaming on street corners.

I'm really digging the last paragraph and how painfully stunning it is. I don't find this story wordy at all. It flows wonderfully and feels natural.

All he had was a blanket draped over his knees and a woolly hat that his beady eyes look out from...

This was the only part that stood out to me as weirdly worded. The part about his eyes looking out from the hat seemed off to me and I had to reread it to understand exactly what you meant.

Otherwise, I think this is a really powerful look at homelessness and I love that you portray the human side of it by focusing on someone who has to suffer through it.

I liked this but I felt that I could have been much better. It's a little wordy and I think some of the punctuation is wrong.

For example: "Maybe over fifty by looks, he was just scrapping forty-three..."

I think I understand that you mean he looks fifty but you're saying he is really forty-three?
Possibly try to word it a different way?

"All he had was a blanket draped over his knees as his beady eyes looked out from underneath the hat..."

All he had was a blanket draped over his knees doen't seem in the right place for this sentence. It is awkward when reading it outloud or just picturing it in my head. You are just stating there is a blanket over his knees, not saying he was draping a blanket over his knees as his beady eyes looked out... see what I'm saying? You put a statment in with an action, it doen't seem right.

"...him called crazy but it was that, as well as his appearance which made people give..." - I think there should be a comma after apperance.

"...All he had for him was..." - I feel that the word him can be taken out. It would give the sentence more of an impact. It feels like you're trying too hard, you know?

Just wordy.

But I do like this, it was a good idea.

:)