Scarlets - Comments

This story is amazing. I sat here on my reading every word, and I finally realized why I liked it so much. It has a flow, and a quality of one of my favorite books ever, Exit Here by Jason Meyer. If you haven't read it I highly recommend it. I can totally relate to the kids hatred and darkness because believe it or not, I've been there. Its like a dark broken roller coaster and your trying to hang on for dear life, going at top speed and just praying to whoever or whatever that you're going to be able to get off. And sometimes you do, but alot of times you don't. Your an amazing writer and I look forward to more of your work! Have a great day!

I'm very impressed. Normally I don't go for original fiction (I write it, but don't read it, haha), but your style of writing definitely captivated me. Although it's not clear as to where this story is going, you have already developed some truly realistic characters. I find Garrett to embody all the darkness of what it means to be a youth in today's society. He is sarcastic and bitter and you portray that so well.

There are some parts that I found unclear - but that might just be me. Why would five guys jump Cameron for kissing Jackie? It was written as though it were a set up. And now in chapter two, Cameron and Jackie are together? Your sentences are so heavily graced with beautiful and descriptive words, that it sometimes masks the clarity of what you're trying to say in terms of creating a scene within a story. Your writing style is gorgeous, but some shorter, to-the-point sentences might help with enforcing the direction of the scenes.

Overall, though, this is truly a fascinating piece and it's so unique compared to everything else on Mibba. It's dark but not disgusting, and it's eloquent but not outlandish. Excellent work!

Summary/Layout: I like the little poem! It's very cute, very deep. I'm sad that the image link is broken, not sure if anyone has told you that yet. The layout is wonderful though, I absolutely love the layout.

Chapter 1: First of all I just need to say that I love your descriptions. It's like you pulled out a thesaurus and made a picture worth framing. "poems to be deciphered." I just love that line.

Holy crap though. This seems like it's going to be a dark fic. And I desperately want to love Jackie, but so far she seems like the devil reincarnate. What the hell (no pun intended.)

Chapter 2: about the fact that I just said Jackie was the devil reincarnate and now there's all this text from Garrett about it! I'm really liking this character so far though! He definitely has his issues, but it doesn't seem like he lets them control him which is great.

WHY ISN'T THIS GIRL LOCKED UP IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL?! [/rantover]

"Cameron deserved a fucking Oscar for hiding the walking flesh-tattered mess he was." Love this line too.

Ohh and this: " By this age, everyone had perfected the art of being fake; fake smiles, fake laughter, anything to keep the atmosphere very fucking happy. Some pretty marvelous bullshit it was too." That's just genius. I feel like it's very relatable. It speaks so much truth, not just to the story but to real life.

So now that I'm done with chapter two... I don't even know where to start, what to say, or how to say it. This was insane on such a good level. I feel like I love it, but at the same time I don't want to love it. What have you done to me?!

There were so many great lines in this chapter. I'd have pointed out all my favorites, but that just seems silly.

Garrett is a really surprising character. He seems like that quiet kid in the corner that the popular kids make fun of, but at the same time it seems like he's kind of friends with the popular kid (Cameron) and no one makes fun of him. It's crazy to me how he keeps everything so bottled up and I hope you explore this character more.

I hope you explore Cameron more too, but from Cameron's side of things. Why is he so obsessed with the one girl who doesn't actually care about him? What's his home life like? Was he dropped on his head as a baby?

And Jackie Reid! What on earth has happened to her in her life?

You need to update/finish this story because you've left all of us hanging by a thread. Subscribed and recommended. 10/10. Deserves an award. #superfan

hi! like with your other story, i love the layout. this one is so beautiful and i love the header photograph; very cute! i also like the flower motifs on the sides. very pretty. (:

chapter 1: ...alrighty, then, i take back my "cute" comment from above, bc this jackie girl doesn't seem cute at all. yikes. i wouldn't want to get on her bad side. the ending comment made me shudder. what was she saving for cameron? yikes. Dx

chapter 2: garrett doesn't seem like such a happy kid either, like jackie. i sort of feel sorry for him, what with hs mom's affairs and all of that. :( that's a lot for a kid to take. anyways, finally, we get to see who this cameron fella is; idk about him, especially the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he sees garrett is what sort of, um, extracurricular activities his mother is doing with some guy. not cool.

The girl could have been the embodiment of Lucifer, for all Garrett knew. um, wow, this makes me so curious to find out what's the deal with jackie, omg!!! but wow, this chapter is a smorgasbord of emotions; all of them are so clear and just there. i really enjoyed finding out more about the characters!!

i'm really excited to read the rest of this story. fantastic job. ^__^

First off: WOW! Your layout is totally gorgeous I usually can't stand light colors, but this is just so beautiful!

Your story sounds so... poetic. Your story has this older voice to it that makes me think of To Kill a Mockingbird, Jane Eyre, and Catcher in the Rye. I'm loving the descriptions and attention to details.

And I feel so terrible for all of these kids. Damn. Such terrible lives. I hope things get better for them all soon =/

you write so beautiful biff.