The Journey of a Thousand Miles - Comments

I kind of like the concept of your story but the characters need more depth, in my opinion. The pace of the story is also quite fast. I'm quite confused with the latest chapter because you wrote that they left through the backdoor of some house and walked onto the beach then said they walked over to the houses. Does that mean, they went back or something? In my opinion, you could have given that more description and made it less confusing. You could have added more dialogues or actions that will make an impression that they're near the ocean or at a beach.

Quote

His eyes still fixed on Cordelia.
Cordelia frowned at his stare. He made her uncomfortable.

These sentences are related to each other yet you made them into separate sentences. It could have been 'Cordelia frowned as he said that while staring at her. The way he stared at her was making her uncomfortable' or something like that.

Anyways, it's a good story with a lot of potential. You could tweak it a little more and it will be perfect!

Lol I hope it doesn't bother you that I keep commenting, b/c I won't stop! Haha. I love it when they are cute and content with each other, but nooo it can't be that way forever. I know you will do what's best. Much love twinkey!

I only read the first chapter and I already really like it. It looks really promising, so keep updating (:

ps, check out my story, Lonely Girl, if you’d like. I just finished it and I’m dying for some feedback. (:

Don't hit yourself, have Jace do it ;P hahah love you twinkey