Psychotic Secrets - Comments

First and foremost, the layout is great. The picture that you used definitely caught my attention and I immediately began to wonder if the masks or the people in the mask had anything to do with the story. The summary caught my attention also. When I read it, I imagined someone chanting like one would do if they were trying to call on a spirit. It gives off a really dark mood and makes me question if this story is going to be a horror or a psychological thriller. The layout and the summary were very successful if you were attempting to make your readers feel a bit….spooked out.

Now on to the first chapter, with regards to the layout, I think it’s very interesting that you chose to make the chapter title incredible blurry; it gives off a spooky effect. I really enjoyed the fact that you started the chapter with some action. I really love it when the first chapter of a story throws a reader straight into the action! I really like your style of writing in this chapter; it’s simple, but enough for me to immediately envisioned every scene in my mind without a problem. In the second sentence, however, I got a bit thrown off with this line: To me to wrinkles ment wisdom. I think you were trying to say: To me, wrinkles meant wisdom…maybe?

As I advanced further into the chapter, I noticed that you changed the font to italics. At first, I was confused as to why you would do this. To me, when I see italics in a novel, it’s usually to indicate a story that has happened in the past or a thought of one of the main characters. But, as I read further, it occurred to me that the grandpa was telling a story that happened 50 something years ago, so it seemed fitting that the font was in italics. Also, it kind of adds to that “story by the camp fire” feel, if that’s even a feel haha. There were definitely goose bumps rising on my arm when I read about the students and the gas plant. I took geology, during my previous semester in college, and I read a lot about gas plants and the danger they’d pose on humans if it was to explode so I could totally believe that something like that happened 50 years ago, and was covered by the government. At the end of the story, my eyes widened when I learned about the grandpa, his brother and his mother. That was a great way to end the chapter!

Now on to the second chapter, I’m guessing that you are now introducing the readers to the main characters of the story? And you did a great job with that; I feel like I have an idea of each of the characters, though it's not much, I do have an idea. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought Dakota was definitely overacting to what Bram said, but then again, that’s probably a personal attribute of hers. I felt really bad for Bram when she mentioned his parents because of the way you described the way he was feeling through his looks; getting red/pink in the face. I really love the imagery and your descriptiveness. It really helps me to envision everything. I didn’t really find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes so this was a very solid chapter!

Overall, this story is off to a fantastic start. The opening was great and just enough to keep me interested and informed about later events that might occur in the story. Please continue to write and keep up the great work. I have yet to see a story like yours on Mibba, so please continue on! It’s a very unique idea and I think you will be able to execute it really well if you continue on in the same way.

Thriller's are one of my favorite things to read so as soon as I saw the banner of this story I knew I was going to love it. The idea of this is so unique, I love it. Please, please update soon!

I just read the first chapter, since my story was just a chapter.

Summary

Good, simple, clean. Not too much, not too little. Creepy and eerie, just as it should be.

Layout

Also simple and creepy. Doesn't take away from the story, and the banner gives me the absolute heebie-jeebies.

Chapter 1

The narration is very interesting. I feel like, especially in the first paragraph, the narrator is an intelligent person. I get this from the description of wrinkles meaning wisdom, for some reason. Good characterization.

You've painted such a creepy picture, with the students spreading all over and dying from the gas. I can't imagine anything much more horrifying to witness or experience.

Clever to give the survivors a mental illness. The story was creepy enough, but that gave it the extra kick--and rabies? Whoa, I would never have thought of that. Excellent.

Even though you're having someone else tell this story, it's still really detailed and I like it. It's still voice like someone's saying it, but still clear enough for me to get a full picture.

I like that the town how has this deep, dark secret that they don't speak of.

Whoa, sucker-punch of an ending to this chapter! Way to keep your readers wanting more. Great job, well written!

Hey there! Comment Swap brought me here, and I’m really REALLY glad it did. this story is unlike anything I’ve ever read before.. in a good way. Like seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever read a horror story on mibba yet. I mean, I know yours really isn’t a horror story, but it still has that creepy aspect to it. Creepy stuff is interesting. There really isn’t a lot of foreshadowing going on, and I didn’t notice any foreshadowing in your story., which is awesome. The first chapter alone really got me hooked. I like the second chapter as well because it starts introducing us to the characters, and I have a feeling that they’ll be playing a huge role and the unraveling of events. As for spelling and grammar mistakes, I hardly noticed any. The only one I picked up on was when you say, “Yes I'll admit he did deserve a low blow because what happened but not with is parents.” And I think you mean to say HIS parents. Other than that, everything else was perfect. This story is perfect for that matter. I also really like your layout.. that picture is super creepy. It adds to the intensity of the story. Please update soon!

Dude I saw the title and I could tell I was going to read a good psycho thriller. I love the background story now I'm ready to get the pants scared off me.

Dude I saw the title and I could tell I was going to read a good psycho thriller. I love the background story now I'm ready to get the pants scared off me.

I really enjoy this story :D You are good at channeling fear and creepiness into words and you managed to make my heart jump, so I guess that's a very good thing. I think this idea has quite the potential and I can't seriously wait for the next chapter. Update soon!

This isn't something I would pick to read but the comment swap thingy brought me here and I had no other choice. I did read the summary which was creepy (and that's what you were going for) and the first chapter which filled me with fear and sadness but mostly fear. There are a few writing mistakes/typos but nothing too major. Keep up the great work.

This isn't something I would pick to read but the comment swap thingy brought me here and I had no other choice. I did read the summary which was creepy (and that's what you were going for) and the first chapter which filled me with fear and sadness but mostly fear. There are a few writing mistakes/typos but nothing too major. Keep up the great work.

Woah, this is amazing! O.o I can't wait for the next chapter! I was seriously on the edge of my seat while reading this. You did a great job channeling all of the emotions. I felt fear, sadness, and more fear. Great job!

First off, really liked this! It's not really the sort of thing that i woulf usually read, though I'm glad that the comment swap pushed me in your direction! Mr Visser is introduced as a very interesting character and your portray his characterwell in your writing. The way you write his words makes hin would very emotional about what happened in the past so creates a fantastic background! I'm not entirely sure what others are saying when it comes to the layout... I personally think it's very reflective of the story's content. Well done and best of luck!

an interesting story. one ting i would comment on is tat your entire story, almost, is an old man telling a story, but he seems to ave the same voice as the narrator who sets the stage. you should try and create a distinct difference between these two voices. second it seems like a bit of a cheat to have the entire story that your writing be exposoition via first person dialouge, i think the old saying goes a good story should be 10 percent exposition 90 percent action, do less telling and more showing.

I'm sorry for the glitch in the layout. I've been trying to get the stupid shadow off the words and I just finished doing so. Also I do like my layout, worked hard on it too. If its still not enjoyed there is a default layout button so it's just plain.

I did try not to out white text over black, because that strains the eyes. So I went with grey.

I do quite like the idea of the horror story, and particularly the ending there, that was a little bit of a twist, I liked it.

Weren't many spelling or grammar errors or anything, but the layout, no offense, was terrible. I made it about three lines before I had to go get my glasses because I couldn't read a word it said, and even now, wearing them, it's still difficult. The way the font is, the colour, the italics, the shadow, what appears to be bold, it makes it very difficult to read. It kind of brought down the story for me, since I was focusing so much on making out the words rather than taking them in and enjoying the story to the full potential it clearly has.

I have to admit your picture scared the crap out of me when I clicked on the link. Your story was touching. I got teary eyed at the very end. Old people make me so sad. I enjoy the idea here I think it's something new and real. As much as it scared me and made me sad I subscribed and recommended! Write on!

I enjoyed this very much :) poor old man though :(

Crazy but amazing scary story. I was starting to get nervous, my mind making me believe it was real. This story's off to a good start