Powerless - Comments

The first chapter of this story was really incredible. It gave me chills and was written so well and in a great detail. The way you flowed from that introduction to your next chapter is well done, and i like that you maintain this air of mystery throughout the story so far. Occasionally the grammar is not perfect but overall this story is really good and I enjoyed reading it so far:) I think I will subscribe to see how the rest of the story turns out as it has potential

okay, so the prologue gave me wicked chills. a snake?! ew! i have a huge problem with reptiles. they're just...really gross. but anyways, wow, i'm getting this odd mental image of a snake transforming into a human and it's just so creepy; the scaly skin falling off, growing arms and legs, etc. it's odd, but really great, and you wrote it in a fantastic manner. i'm really curious to find out more about zane and this...snake-dude and everything else that's going on!

yeesh, the beginning with kara was so creepy. seeing your grave, your impending death? that's incredibly...awful. :( all of this is so creepy -- the prologue, kara's dream, what jake mentioned. this is all so thrilling! i'm curious to find out what happens next.

my only critique, though, is that some grammar is a bit off and you're missing some periods and commas in some sentences and dialogue. also, some parts threw me off a bit and left me a tiny bit confused. i suggest having a beta looking over it, just to make sure everything is correct and to make help smooth out anything confusing. other than that, i really enjoyed this. well done! (:

I like the prologue, it really brings the reader in. But, this is quite confusing and I had no idea what was going on as I read this. You had a few errors in there that threw me off. I really don't mean to sound like a jerk when I say this. You have the potential to write very well, but maybe try to invest in an editor?

I'm really impressed with your prologue! It's vague and creepy, and definitely caught my attention. I didn't understand much of the exchange between the two characters in the prologue, which frustrated me and made me want to know the entire story already :) You've got a great start to a story here, and I'd love to read more!

@ Tipsy

You'll see why it is called Powerless ;) THANK YOU so much for you amazing comment. I will be sure to correct these mistakes soon. This is apart of a contest and it's supposed to have picked the winners by now or I would of started updating but once the Mibbian tells us who I will do my best to update asap. (I know who they are I <3 them)

Hello there! Comment swap brought me here, and I’m glad that it did! Actually, I liked the prologue. It had a cool feel to it. Just that a little more description of the environment would have been better with me ;) But it was great anyway. Your writing style is awesome. It can get people hooked, and the mystery makes it cooler. I have it will have some decent action in future as well!

Oh, and did I mention that your layout was great? It’s just so…creepy and mystical! These kind of stories always interest me. Please update soon, though I can understand that it needs a lot of effort to proceed in such plots. Also, I took a liking to Zane, I wonder if he’ll reappear? Haha, you don’t have to answer that, just a personal fancy.

There were a few typing errors, like wind ‘blow’ instead of ‘blew’ but I don’t mind them. They’re alright by me, the description and dialogue was amazing. But from the name…I was wondering if you’re going to turn this into a tragedy? PLEASE DON’T! I absolutely hate to be sad…Anyway, why is it called Powerless? No, I don’t mean any offense, but the name attracted me, because I’m a huge fan of Linkin Park songs! (Hope you know who that is ;)) Ah, and about the author’s note, its pure injustice to not update cos of lack of comments! You have a fan right here!

I’m saying way too much, but anyway, this is a good start and definitely a promising start! I’ll be a supporting reader, so do your best and UPDATE SOON!! :D

You have intrigued me! I liked this very much to a point where I have a feeling this will be good :)