The World Inside My Head - Comments

@ Lex Luthor

No it's OK. You're just giving constructive criticism. I understand not everyone likes the same things.

This is weird...strange...bizarre. It just sets me on edge, but at the same time it feels foolish to me. It doesn't make me want to read more, as it just doesn't grab me.

Children wouldn't know a real smile from a fake smile, at least I don't think they would. They're innocent like that.

Although this story isn't normal, so...

I don't know, it's just puts a bitter taste in my mouth and I can't swallow it. I'm sorry.

You're very welcome :) Great stuff, hope to read more!

@ adambarck

Thank you for giving such a constructive and meaningful comment. I enjoyed reading it. You gave good criticism! I know I have grammatical problems in everything I write, because I struggle with grammar. I try to correct things, but I know I make mistakes. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed reading this and honestly I didn't intentionally write these stories to feature a different aspect of the human psyche. It was just a lucky coincidence lol.

(COMMENT SWAP)

Before I go on reading, I might make mention a few very small issues with the prologue/synopsis...
*The word magic, when implying spiritual or otherworldly powers or phantasm etc., is usually spelled magick.
*strange and peculiar are synonyms
*oftentimes is one word, or if you prefer, you could use ofttimes.

*TEDDY BEARS - So this is a cute and funny little story, but I think it needs much work. There are many grammatical and spelling errors, though I somehow feel like maybe you haven't gone over this looking for such defects yet? Apart from that small matter, there is a lot more that can be done with this story I think. Go over and re-think perhaps the ending and your characters (though it is a very short story, it is important). There are also things like sentences that could be left out, and rearranged to fit better together.... keep at it though, the basis of your story is quite cool! :)

RED - The underlying themes that can be drawn from this story are quite lofty, in my personal opinion.
The grammatical errors are still frequent, but this story could be perhaps fashioned a little better and you would have a great piece of writing :)

THE DREAM YARD - Beautiful! Loved this little story, though I have to admit there are still the same problems with sentence structure, grammar and spelling etc. Really cool, though.

STRENGTH - I liked this story a lot, also. You four stories seem to each approach a different aspect of the human psyche/condition? Is this what you intended?

On the whole, it is obvious you have a greatly creative mind, but perhaps taking a bit of time to fix up a few mistakes with your writing (in terms of structure, character dimension and the rest) and it will bring these stories even more quality! :)

YOu're welcome <3

@ NeonAbyss

Okay! Thank you!

For your Teddy Bears story, you should just leave the title as Teddy Bears. I honestly don't really like this story but that's my preference, can't wait for you to add more.

For your Teddy Bears story, you should just leave the title as Teddy Bears. I honestly don't really like this story but that's my preference, can't wait for you to add more.