Forgive Me - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.

Wow, this took a turn that I definitely did not expect at all. It started out so loving and sweet with such a soft vibe to it, but I was actually completely taken by surprise by the end. The ‘deafening shot’ immediately put me on edge and definitely immediately created this ominous kind of feeling to it. I definitely still felt love, but I also felt such a dark pain and sadness too. It made me so curious as to what she had done that she would need forgiveness for and to be killed for it. It also made me curious as to why Zechariah did it and how he feels about having done it, especially since he loved the narrator. I can’t think of a single thing and I’ve tried!

Your writing style was really soft but surprisingly detailed for a drabble, so I really enjoyed this even though I have a lot of questions I wish had been answered!

I love this! You managed to include so much power into so few words. I love the tone of this.

I really loved this drabble, which is odd because something about drabbles always seemed a little off putting to me. This drabble definitely took a lot of talent because it put so many emotions into such small word count; I know that I couldn't achieve what you have in this one. Great work and I love the tone of love that is presented, with the stubble question left behind as how he felt to have freed the girl from misery. It leaves the reader wondering what Zechariah is feeling. Does he feel guilt, remorse, satisfied? It leaves this scene of mystery about feelings in his head, while completely showing every bit of emotion the girl feels.

Wow. Just...wow. You've crammed so much into this drabble and I am truly amazed by it all. It definitely went in the exact opposite direction than what I thought it would judging by the title, but I like that! Surprise is one of my favourite elements in stories and this one definitely delivered that! I liked that this seems like assisted suicide, because it doesn't leave me with any nasty feelings towards Zechariah that I would usually have if someone shot someone. It almost seems like the actions are right, that it was supposed to happen the way it did and I like that.

I'll be announcing the winners of the contest at some point within the next week, so good luck!

I really love the picture you used in this layout, it's really pretty and goes pretty well with the story because the eyes are the first things you describe and talk about when starting the story. I didn't think this story would be at all about what it was about, it was a big surprise to me.

I thought this was going to be super romantic reading into it some and the romance was sweet but as it began winding down I was very surprised. You did so great with this piece, it was so powerful and yet so short. I wish I saw more like this.

@ aubs
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! It really means a lot, so thank you!

I don't think that I can express how much I love this piece. I was so surprised, so shocked, so amazed at the events that went on in this drabble. I really, really loved this drabble because although what he did to her was such a morbid thing, she seemed to want it and even forgave him for it, even thanking him for it.

I think it shows how far love can take you, and what a person would do for the one that they love. I just, my goodness, can't stop loving this piece. I know I keep saying it, but I just can't think of another way to tell you how much I adore this.

@ lolita in love
*I totally forgot to change the layout back to its original layout*
Anyways... thanks for your comment and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

So I totally had to read this twice because I think I missed the part where he kills her, haha. And I don't know...maybe he killed her because he's psycho. Or because she wanted to leave. That part about her "only escape" is about the gun, so I think maybe she wants to die.

I liked this. It made me think, I had to read it three times to get the full effect, which isn't bad. It means that I was interested. I wanted to figure it out! I guess the only one that knows why he killed her or why she wanted to be killed would be you. Regardless, I did enjoy this. It's simple, it's sweet - well, not really, someone dies, but you get my drift - and to the point. My three favorite things to read in a story.

I don't think she did anything wrong. I think it was him and she was trying to forgive him by forgiving herself who was trying to forgive her.

Confusing a huh? I did like this. Really well written.

Wow, that was a bit of a shock! hehe. I really enjoyed this!! Your description was beautiful, I loved the emotion you brought to the page, it flowed really well and the last sentence is brilliant :)

I have no idea what she did, my first guess would be that she cheated on him? But it didn't seem that he felt cheated, so maybe she hurt him by hurting someone close to him like family or betrayed him somehow? I don't know but it's fun to wonder. I really like how you left all that space for the reader to imagine.

One more thing, not a critique, but an 'even better if'. To add to the feelings the readers get, try and put some smells in there, so like how you described the horizon, as she breathed in did she smell spring? Or sweet rain, or the freshly cut grass. Or later did she smell his scent, his cologne, his breath? I often find it helps to set the scene some more, kinda adds another dimension. :)

But yeah, that is a great little short, I think you should write the full story cause I'm really curious now :D sorry this comment is so long but well done and keep it up!! :)