This one isn't a grammar error, but it doesn't flow well... "He turned and walked down the hall we came from." The part that made it not flow well, for me, was "the hall we came from." The context just makes it not flow well to me.
So, I definitely did NOT expect the fight at the party. I do think there could have been more to the chapter though... But it was still good. And I like Melanie's outfit best. Though not really the shoes. But that's just because I don't really like heels...
"When you walk in, the kitchen was to the left, it's counters made of veined marble." I think maybe that should have been "When you walked in, the kitchen was to the left with counters made of veined marble." Or at least something like that. When I first read it, it didn't flow well and seemed to have words missing. Also, you used the wrong from of its. You put it's, which is it is, and that would make no sense in the sentence.
And once more, I notice no grammar problems! That makes me want to victory dance! Not many people put up stories that have good grammar with little to no mistakes.