Blinding - Comments

Thank you! I really appreciate it :) I'm sorry the formatting is messy. I moved from a different site to Mibba and the layout maker was way different, so I'm still getting used to this one.

The line was supposed to be "from" instead or "form", but I didn't catch it on the first read-through, so thanks for pointing it out.

The formatting and confusing line issues shall be fixed soon!

This is beautiful, but a few of my suggestions are the same as zayn.'s — one being that you really should break up your paragraphs because it looks cluttered and it's much easier to read when spaced out properly.

However, I'm not sure if you had a mistake or it was lack of grammar or...what, but the line she said confused her baffled me, too. I read it over it multiple times to maybe see if it was something that didn't register properly until I read it more than once but it seems like the more I read over it, the more sense it lacked. And past this, I would agree and suggest that you add more detail. I love the detail you went into about the garden (though, in my opinion, the "legs/hands/face/arms" part was a bit messy and I suggest using "limbs" or "body" or something else) and I adore the tiny monsters and the woman with foxglove eyes. That was absolutely fantastic.

All that I suggest is a bit more detail on a whole and to break up the paragraphs properly.

But all in all, this was a fantastic and unique piece. I absolutely loved it. I also adore the song you used.

They spit curses and insults form no longer neat flowerbeds and paths. - this line confuses me a bit with the word 'form', I'm not sure I understand what you were trying to say here.

They gleam in the strange light that comes from a bleeding red moon and dying stars. - I liked this line, it very powerful and evoking of imagery.

Okay, so for the layout and stuff, I would space out your paragraphs because it looks a tad bit cluttered with the paragraphs not spaced.

I hardly ever read something that is in second person, just because it can be a bit off-putting to me. However I will say that it was nicely written, I think it needed a bit more description as far as colors, smells, and sounds go though.

This story is very different though, unlike anything I have ever read. It's like a dark sort of beautiful.

Anyways, good work, in my opinion.