Alter Ego - Comments

BlueSociety (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 25
Location:: United States

@ discoveringclouds
Thanks, I get where you're coming from with the whole 'ugly' thing. And I do have something that connects to that and makes it work. Massive thank you!

January 21st, 2013 at 03:13am

discoveringclouds (200)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 32
Location:: Canada

@ BlueSociety
I'm really glad! Thinking about why things are happening will help your writing flow. It will be easier for people to follow along.

Try to bring in setting as well, don't let the words and ideas float around too much-the readers will float up wondering where they are right then. hahaha

Also I found it interesting that you kept calling the boy ugly, again and again, it's so harsh, is there more of a reason behind it? Is it because he is creepy? Or does him being creepy make him appear ugly? Lol, anyways good luck.

January 21st, 2013 at 02:17am

BlueSociety (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 25
Location:: United States

@ discoveringclouds
Thanks for the advice ! It really made me think and try to work out more things that will make more sense! I really appreciate it. I never really thought about it that way, but massive thank you!

January 21st, 2013 at 12:24am

discoveringclouds (200)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 32
Location:: Canada

Interesting idea...but her mother just sounds unrealistic. how can someone want you do something good like school and swear at you to do it, while you are focused on cute shoes? It's just too shallow and deep and confusing.

Chase kind of showed up, I'm suspicious. Sounds like a cool story, just try to make it make more sense..like why did he want her to go, why is she agreeing so easily, isn't anyone around that saw him disappear if the librarian was close enough to tell her ten minutes left?

Lol good luck with your story. Tell me what you think of mine as well if you have some time.

January 19th, 2013 at 05:42pm