Hands - Comments

The different points of view were excellent and such a contrast from each other. I loved your word choice and detail, this was quite a great piece overall.

Interesting.

It's such a switch when her perspective starts. I really like his perspective, he's centered, seems mature, doesn't want sweetness and nothing, but someone to talk to. Maturity not smoky illusions. The universe ...tasting like something is so weird, but its cool to think about someone trying to describe everything with one sense, and mixing it with another. Cold to the touch. Yet somehow, tastes cold.

I'm wondering where and why he went. If you continue it should be about that, maybe it should be about something better as well, less smoky and sticky.

One suggestion is to polish that part about hands...hands on her chest, that's a little abrupt from a mother's hands on a baby, it just doesn't sit well with me. *yuck* From a sweet baby to a woman who linked her entire universe to one limited person. :(

This is a really powerful story, I hope that you continue writing. Let me know if you do. I definitely want to read more!

If you want to know me a little, feel free to read my story as well and tell me what you think. :)

Thank you ghostie and Brielle I can't wait to read both your entries <3

Poignant. I like the concept of hands. The two point of views were executed quite wonderfully, the descriptions were lovely. Just remember to read over your work and catch the grammatical mistakes, I spotted a few. Apart from that, good luck in the competition.

Very well written, I really really liked it. Good luck on the contest, seems we've entered in the same one. Yours will be hard to beat. <3