Hearts Burst Into Fire - Comments

Stormborn (100)

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Age:: 32
Location:: United States

You've got a great idea, I just don't like the *11 years ago* and *end flashback* making the flashback italicized reads a lot better.

May 18th, 2013 at 09:25am

Da'har N'irr (100)

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Age:: 30
Location:: United Kingdom

@ TARDISblue
Thanks for the comment, I'll try sorting it out after I've had some sleep, the main reason it is so bad at the moment is because I started writing it a few years ago but felt like posting it just now as an incentive to improve it.

January 22nd, 2013 at 02:52am

leprechaun_katt (100)

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Age:: 26
Location:: United Kingdom

Comment virginity!

Okay so you're only just starting out on this story but you defiantly need a layout and instead of making the intro a chapter, put into the summary and detail of how it actually ties into the story.

You need to separate all your speech and paragraphs properly, other wise it is an absolute mess to read. Detail could be alot better and just edit it before you post.

Other than that, I will continue reading when you have sorted these things out but I will subscribe.

January 22nd, 2013 at 02:41am