Otherwordly - Comments

Dear Author!
this is really good! I think that you should kinda continue this story a little farther……. It would be nice to read more of it. I'm going to be honest. At first, I thought it would be boring. But I got into it very quickly, and I was dragged into it like a crocodile drags its prey to the bottom of the swamp. This is a good story. Kinda left it at a cliffhanger though. By the way, how did you get the idea for this?

Dear, author!

First of all, I really enjoy your story so far. The idea is reasonably interesting and your main character is very believable! However, I do agree with the other comments in staying that formatting would help LOADS with your presentation which will make it even more nice to read. Keep writing, I really like it!

In all honesty I kinda skimmed over your summary completely. It just seemed so huge. The content was fine it was just too clunkes together and it seemed tedious. The same thing applies for your chapters. I mean I actually read the first one, obviously but the spacing just didn't seem right and it really threw me off in a sense. I commend you for the unique qualities in the plot and your style of writing, though. I think it's great. But yeah. That spacing xD I wasn't expecting that from the title. Honestly thought it would be a cliche about Vampires and Werewolves.

This story seems pretty interesting so far, and I'll be reading on to see how it goes. However, if I were you, I would definitely begin formatting your stories. Watch out for your punctuation before and after your dialogue - I was noticing a couple of times where you forgot to put a comma in place for your transition into speaking, and so on.

It would also benefit you to break the chapters up a little. I know that I copy/paste my chapters from a word document, so I have to go through and manually format to italicize, bold, and especially create space. It's just more appealing for eyes.

There were only a few spelling errors, things you'd probably notice and be like, "Oh duh." xD It's nothing terribly distracting, though.

A couple of your sentences can get a little hard to read. Always keep in mind your commas - does a break need to be here or not?

But really, these were a good few chapters, and I did enjoy myself while reading them. (: I enjoy Ashlynn's character - a caring sister with school issues - and I am intrigued by this strange man who turns to smoke.

Remember to be a bit more descriptive in future chapters - trust me, I know it gets difficult! I often struggle with description, but I find it easy if you imagine the character in your mind and focus on things other authors generally don't discuss.

I'll be subscribed, and can't wait for the next chapter!

I really liked what I read. The only think I need to reccomend is 1. maybe get a layout, some premade ones are okay I use them for my stories because I cant make them 2. Keep writing this. I'm really interested to see more, I only read to the second chapter. Your writing is amazing and you have brilliant talent, able to express what the character is feeling, and it seems relevant. I love the fact she likes to draw her little brother. I thought it was very cute. I thought you could use more descriptions though.

I love the idea of the story, it's original and interesting. Being an artist, I do find myself relating to the girl (I think someone below has also said that)
Your writing skills are great, and remain at high levelthrough out the couple of chapters I've read so far. This us good, keep it up XD

Hellz

Dear author, first of all the story's title is plain but that isn't always a bad thing but I think your needs something more like the forbidden portal, the secret portal or something that fits your story more. The summary was great, it captured my attention right away. Brownie points for that. What you have written at the end of the summary should be moved to the author's note of the first chapter. Your writing skills are good and that showed perfectly. Keep up the great work. ~Marian.

Dear author, first of all the story's title is plain but that isn't always a bad thing but I think your needs something more like the forbidden portal, the secret portal or something that fits your story more. The summary was great, it captured my attention right away. Brownie points for that. What you have written at the end of the summary should be moved to the author's note of the first chapter. Your writing skills are good and that showed perfectly. Keep up the great work. ~Marian.

I love this! Partially because of your wonderful writing style and partially because I'm an aspiring artist myself, so it was more than easy for me to relate to some of the scenes that you described. I'm new here myself and I think you're doing great so far!

Oh wow, I loved the start of this. Very beautifully set up. The descriptions about how she is as a person to her family how they are and are never around. The description was an eye catcher, the emotion and from reading just the first chapter – looks very promising. I liked it and will recommend it to others. Honestly, great writing I look forward to reading more.