Worlds Apart - Comments

I read the first chapter so far. Its really something to just imagine what its like to be a ghost and seeing your mourning friends and family. And to see as they try to go on with life without you.

Dear author, you got yourself a new subscriber. :) I liked the summary and the basic idea of this. At ch. 1 the part which caught my attention was when a part of her wished it was a dream while another wished it was true. I have a close person to me, or more likely had cause she's gone now and I felt like she was talking to me. It made me think if after death, we would be in the situation your fictional character is and I know this makes me sound stupid but whatever. When she yelled at her sister in the room or tried to grab her things I felt her frustration. At ch. 2 when her parents where drifting apart and the fought. If I was in her shoes, I would propably cry and blame myself for everything. At ch. 3, I could relate to her trying cigarettes for the first time to impress a boy cause honestly that's what I did back in highschool, and I had used perfume and gum too. There were no writing mistakes and that made the story all the more awesome. Keep up the great work. ~Marian.

Dear author, you got yourself a new subscriber. :) I liked the summary and the basic idea of this. At ch. 1 the part which caught my attention was when a part of her wished it was a dream while another wished it was true. I have a close person to me, or more likely had cause she's gone now and I felt like she was talking to me. It made me think if after death, we would be in the situation your fictional character is and I know this makes me sound stupid but whatever. When she yelled at her sister in the room or tried to grab her things I felt her frustration. At ch. 2 when her parents where drifting apart and the fought. If I was in her shoes, I would propably cry and blame myself for everything. At ch. 3, I could relate to her trying cigarettes for the first time to impress a boy cause honestly that's what I did back in highschool, and I had used perfume and gum too. There were no writing mistakes and that made the story all the more awesome. Keep up the great work. ~Marian.

I don't know if you know this but your background link must've expired because it's a big HOTLINK thing...lol.

Interesting concept. I would suspect that attending one's funeral would be an out of body experience considering if you're looking at yourself you are in fact out of your body. Ha. But any way, I like the way this is written I think that the second person point of view works nicely with it. I haven't found any grammatical or spelling errors throughout. I think I'm going to have to come back and check this out. :)

Layout

Gorgeous. Simple, easy to read, love it. Not only that, but the gif isn't too distracting. Awesome.

Spelling/Grammar
Spelling is great, as far as I noticed. Your grammar is good too, put there were a few fragments in there that you might want to revise. It's nothing noticeable, but maybe it's a personal thing you might want to fix.

Summary
I like the use of a poem in your summary. It's definitely eye-catching.I'd like to suggest putting a blurb at the bottom though, in the narrator's point of view so it doesn't spoil anything. Maybe just an intro to who they were, and what they are now. It's up to you, it's just a suggestion.

Chapter One
I like that you start with the funeral. It kind of gives you an idea of where the narrator is coming from, and makes it mysterious enough without confusing the reader. It then leads on to the reaction of the narrator's family, which shows a lot of emotion. You're really good at describing things, and I could really imagine what I assume to be the narrator's sibling throwing all of the narrator's things. There was a lot of pain in that part, and you did a good job depicting it.

For a moment it is almost as if we are together again, and not worlds apart.

WOAH. You put the title in there, that was awesome. Kind of poetic in a way. I liked it.

A week later and I still cannot bring myself to look at mom and dad.

Mom and Dad should be capitalized, the same way you would say someone's name. It's a title, so it should be capitalized.

Chapter Two
I likes all of the description in this chapter. It's a lot of foreshadowing, especially with the fight that happens at the end. It really shows how her death has affected the ties between the family. There's not much more I can say about this chapter, but you did a really nice job with it :]

Overall
You've got something great, and original going on here. At first I thought it was going to be a lot like The Lovely Bones, but this was so much different. It can go a lot of different ways, and I'm excited to see where it goes :)

I enjoyed this more than I should've. From the beginning paragraph you put perfect description in and it lasted throughout the entire chapter.

The only thing that confused me was who the boy the narrator was referring to. Is he her/his brother, friend, cousin? I'm guessing brother, but I'm not for sure. I really want to read more of this, though because it's very rarely that I come across an original fiction on this site that's as good as this one.

I think my favorite thing about this chapter was how you talked about death in the last couple paragraphs. You just went so in depth about how people react and things that it was really believable, which is something I love.

asakfslgjlsjhld "He does not want to be reminded of my existence."

best. line. ever. This had so much feeling and I could practically feel the narrator's frustrations on not being able to talk to anyone or do anything. Plus the other characters' reactions were so real, I could so relate to how they felt on losing a loved one. And i like how it goes deeper into the story, that whole monkey hear monkey think thing.

Plus the summary was so pretty, I love the poem and I love the meaning. Great story :)