April 8th, 2014 at 06:56am
To Stay Afloat - Comments
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I kind of need an update. Okay? Please!! I'm dying!!March 15th, 2013 at 08:22pm
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please update this, I miss it!March 6th, 2013 at 08:42pm
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You are the only writer I know capable of producing smut-related themes & stories in such a perfect, haunting way.February 1st, 2013 at 02:45am
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jesus christ this is fucking amazing, dude. you're amazing.January 31st, 2013 at 02:44am
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The first paragraph immediately hooked me with its amazing writing. I like how you didn't wait to set the mood; you jumped right in with "it's dark." I love the repetition of "Ryan [Denver] thinks he knows why." But the second time around you made a slight typo. I'm not sure if you caught it yet, but I'll put it here.
There are thick clusters of trees in the near distance — a fog dances above the leave they hold — and even farther out is the ocean, all dark and ominous and threatening something soon to come, and Ryan think he knows why.
Ryan thinks* he knows why.
I love your style of writing. The suspense you created in the first chapter was amazing. The second chapter was equally as amazing. Definitely subscribing.
He lowers his head to look her straight into the eyes, and his voice lowers, so Ryan can’t hear what comes out next, but he’s already enthralled and hoping to see more of them.
You don't have to take this piece of advice, because it's pretty much just preference. I like how both his voice and his head lower, but I thought that this didn't match up the the rest of your writing in the way that "lowers" is repeated, because it felt a little unsettling to read the same two words in such close proximity when it wasn't made obvious that it was supposed to be repeated, in my opinion. Maybe do something to apply "lower" to both the head and the voice like, "To look her straight in the eyes, his lowers his head, along with his voice, so Ryan can’t hear what comes out next, but he’s already enthralled and hoping to see more of them." That's probably not the best way, but maybe gives you some sort of idea about what I am saying? xD
Anyway, it was fantastic. I really love it. I can totally see why you are happy with it. It's probably on its way to becoming one of my favorite stories on Mibba already. C:January 28th, 2013 at 02:13am
and OMG I FINALLY CAUGHT up i am so late but this is so sad, how the latest chapter ended, how she's in his arms and crying. Please update eventually! This is so amazing.