Under My Tongue - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the NC17 Only contest.

I appreciated how you created a story that worked really well with the picture you had in the summary. You created a back story and ended up where you needed to be which was great, I liked how we knew there was an established relationship and could see the dynamics of the characters before the smut part of the story. That isn't something that I've seen a lot.

I did want to point out a couple things though. The first is how choppy the chapter is to read because of the way you've described things. It felt like you were just skimming the surface of the descriptions you could have used, which made it really difficult to get fully invested in the story. The descriptions all felt very simplistic -- instead of using descriptions to really make the readers understand what was happening, you would just say "this is happening because of this reason". While that can be useful in some instances, having that through the whole story makes it feel very disjointed.

The second thing was that while I appreciated that the sex was quite realistic, in that it seemed like a typical interaction between a couple and not fantasized and unrealistic, it seemed odd to me that they would just have sex while he was in a party chat and it was just like it was a normal occurrence. That part sort of just confused me and seemed sort of out of place within the realism of everything else.

Thanks for entering!

I liked how you wrote this and kept it to the point! I enjoyed it a lot. I wish I could write smut without blushing, to be honest!
The way you wrote it kept it believable and very realistic, rather than a heightened sense of what sex is like, which I enjoy A LOT!! I find it that many people make it to fantasy.
I also liked the humor you incorporated in the end with the microphone, I actually laughed out loud imagining myself in that situation.
Though there are only a couple grammatical errors, it was still very easy to read and follow! The only thing I would want to comment on other than that is some descriptions, for my taste, would be more beneficial to my imagination if they were more, well, descriptive For instance, when talking about her body, rather than saying "amazing" or "perfect," go into more detail about the perfect body that she has.
Other than that I really liked it and it was awesome for your first smut writing! I think you are fully capable of writing more and I would enjoy to read more of your work. I love reading smut, never really write it. So many props to you!!

I liked how you wrote this and kept it to the point! I enjoyed it a lot. I wish I could write smut without blushing, to be honest!
The way you wrote it kept it believable and very realistic, rather than a heightened sense of what sex is like, which I enjoy A LOT!! I find it that many people make it to fantasy.
I also liked the humor you incorporated in the end with the microphone, I actually laughed out loud imagining myself in that situation.
Though there are only a couple grammatical errors, it was still very easy to read and follow! The only thing I would want to comment on other than that is some descriptions, for my taste, would be more beneficial to my imagination if they were more, well, descriptive For instance, when talking about her body, rather than saying "amazing" or "perfect," go into more detail about the perfect body that she has.
Other than that I really enjoyed it and it was awesome for your first smut writing! I love reading it, never really write it. So many props to you!!

Hey! My opinion on the smut, it was fantastic! Believe me, I have been writing sex for a long time and if you had not told me this was your first smut story, I would have thought you had been writing it a lot too. I don't read straight sex that much but I thoroughly enjoyed this. I had a great picture of Evie in my head.

I know it is pain doing this, but a little proofreading or beta-ing would have helped this story. You had several grammar mistakes, mostly tense and skipping/misplacing words. I still remember "gently forced"... which is a contradicting and awkward phrase. Your spelling was pretty sharp though. Next time okay?

Oh, and I really appreciate that this fan fiction can very well be read as original fiction. I don't know anything of A7X so I would just be confused, haha.

Omg girl! Are you serious? That smut was awesome! I wish that I could have done that to Matt! I'm gonna go change my panties now lol. Fabulous job girl!

Honestly that was some pretty good smut! I enjoyed it all and liked some of the different words you used to describe "certain things" lol. Awesome job.

Hahaha that was very funny

that was good! good luck!

Brian Haner, always the cock block after they've had sex. Very good job- very hot too! I've seen a lot of COD style smut one-shots which are quite generic, but this was incredibly well done with the one-shot that I gave you. The added bit with the microphone and the other guys on the end was hilarious! Good job, hun- thank you for entering my contest!

I <3 it!