Prose On Your Tongue - Comments

So sad but so pretty to read. The poetry is so good. Update? :)

aasdfdgjhjhgjhg!

:') New favorite story on here.

Why do you have to be so damn good at... everything?! You make me feel like a horrible writer, like I should just give up and count my losses now, but also, you're writing gives me hope and motivation to keep going and get better at the same time. I mean.... asdfghjkl!!!!!

Just... ugh!! I love this. I love the tone of this and of To Stay Afloat!! Please give me more and fuel this unhealthy addiction I am growing for your writing.

Honestly. Words can not express how in love I am with this story. I love all the characters, the complexity of Dan and Nes. I love it. I love it. I love it. This is amazing, you are amazing. Truly. I mean, I just, its so BEAUTIFUL.

I wish Nes loved Dan the way Dan does and and and and



But its so realistic because the reality is you fall in love with people who sometimes don't love you back, and it makes me want to cry this story. Gosh, its just so beautiful you really did an excellent job.

And Dan reminds me of Rainer Rilke with his writing, which is like AMAZING. Really, cause Rilke is one of my favorite writers/poets and its just like, gah, I love that this is both a story and a compilation of poetry.

[excuse the immense gifs but sometimes words just don't do it]

I found this story from a promotional blog by silk tea, this is beautiful, I love this

Alrighty! So you've won for my weekly review of a story. :) Basically how it's going to go is I'm going to review by chapter, I'll point out any spelling or grammatical errors within each chapter and then talk about how I feel about the chapter as a whole. :)

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Layout
I really love the layout. I love the color scheme you have and the photo you've used. I also really like the title of this piece. This would be the type of story just from the looks[that sounds so shallow] that would keep me reading.

Summary

His eyes glide over to mine, and I can't hold back what I've been wanting to say for years now. I feel like 'been wanting' would sound better if it were switched to 'wanted'.

The summary is exquisite. I love all the stutters and how you're able to portray perfectly how nervously he is. I think having the summary be his little speech of love is a perfect way to set up the story and I can't wait to read what's next.

Exordium

grammer/spelling
Chihuahua should be capitalized since it's considered a title of sorts. Breed, or whatever.

I truly wanted to believe Nes was past those gender fences that has been plaguing has should be have.

chapter
Fantastic start. I'm not an enormous fan of slash fiction, and that's mainly because all the ones on this site are littered with explicit slash smut and it just makes me uncomfortable. So sadly, I've never actually read a slash story on this website[though I wrote one], and I'm excited that this gets to be my first one. It's so heart breaking to read about unrequited love especially one in this type of circumstance. How awful must it be to confess your love to someone who prefers someone who's the opposite gender to you. I really feel for him and I'm really hoping that he finds someone throughout this piece who can see past that gender fence. :) No complaints here, and like listed above I only found the two errors.

Part One
No errors here. :)

Seriously, I feel so repetitive since I have absolutely nothing negative to say to you, nor do I have any advice to give you. Which is fabulous. The way you describe things is phenomenal. You have a great expanse of words and your depictions of events and everything is great. Bee reminds me of me and if Dan was a little sassier he would remind me of my friend Nick. We're always dancing round like idiots. I like how bold Dan is to slip that piece of paper into Nes' pocket, because I feel like if he were ever to find it he would know who wrote it. I'm assuming he knows Dan well enough to know that he writes often and typically if you're good enough friends with someone you learn to recognize their handwriting.

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Alright, so I've read the rest of the story and found no other grammatical or spelling errors. And honestly, I have hardly anything to tell you other than this is wonderfully written and I'm so glad that I chose this to recommend this week. It definitely deserves the praise. You my dear, have some great talent.

This is very, very beautiful. You have a very sleek, elegant, and timeless writing style, and your characterization is flawless. I love it.

This story is beautiful. I feel like I can really relate to Daniel. I've been completely infatuated with a person to the point where I've had very realistic dreams about them. Also, his character is very lovely. You don't find many people like him in real life. Overall, I adore this work of art and I can't wait for more.

I finally finished reading this story, and first things first: Oh, wow. I am awed by how beautifully written this is, how you've made everything seem pretty and realistic all in one. I think I actually really like Daniel, he just seems so lovely and his writings are beautiful.

I love the relationships you've built up between the characters - it hits home.

absolutely beautiful. i can't wait to read more. you're becoming a favorite author on here, very quickly!

Oh my, oh my, oh my.
I am ridiculously in love with this story already.
It makes my heart flutter and chest tighten and I'm not entirely sure why, but I really like that.
I've never been in a situation like this, but for some reason I relate to Daniel a lot and can understand where he's coming from and what he's talking about.
Then there are those introductions and endings to the chapters - Dan's writings; I adore those. The last one was especially beautiful.

Pretty pretty words of yours.