Tissue Paper Wings - Comments

Hello! I'm here judging the entries for the quotes contest.

Content

The conflict in Logan's mind throughout this is really interesting to read and it comes across awfully well. Most writers tend to tell instead of show, but here you've weaved the conflict into the narative instead of just info-dumping at the beginning and that makes for an easier and better read.

What I like most about Logan's character in this is that he's portrayed as good and bad -- the idea of him only using Camille as a backup versus the idea of his love for Kandi seeming so pure and good. It all links back into this conflict and it just makes him seem so three-dimensional as a character, and it makes it easier for people to relate to him as a person. Everyone makes rights and everyone does things that are classes as 'wrong' -- Logan's kiss with Kandi -- and it's refreshing to see a character that isn't perfect all of the time.

The ending of this is so ambiguous and I love it. Usually these things conclude with everyone being best friends and everything being all tied up in a nice little bow, but this seems so open-ended and leaves a few questions to the imagination. It seems like it should lead onto more of a story, but at the same time, I kind of don't want it to because it works the way it is. It's such a sudden and unusual ending and with the subject matter, it fits in terribly well. There's no confession of undying love or any cutesy-stuff. It's all real and works beautifully together.

Concrit

I only really noticed one or two things here:

“I feel like I’m in love with the idea of dak, but I don’t really love him, and I don’t know what I should do.” - I'm assuming dak should be capitalised?

on, so the bedroom was empty Logan headed straight for his dresser - I think there's a period missing between empty and Logan.

Overall

I enjoyed the ending of this more than the standard everything is fine story ending! You've got a really solid plot, some really well thought-out characters and a wonderful writing style. Awesome job!

@ death-to-teddy

This one. I can't decide which one to enter because, though this one would be easier to edit down to get the 3,000 word max, I doubt my college is likely to publish something with drug use in their literary journal

Oh really? What's the other one?

@ death-to-teddy

Thanks for the comment. This is one of two pieces that I'm considering entering in my college's writing competition, so I need all the feedback I can get

I remember reading The Science of Fucking Up, I loved this version as well. I think my major draw back for you writing is there isn't much dialog between characters. But then again that has never stopped me from reading your stories before. I love the great amount of detail that you put into your story though. It's just bloody fucking brilliant! Thank you for keeping my mind open to new ideas and ways to write stories!

@ teenagedream91

Aw, thanks dear I appreciate your feedback.

I looooved it :) The way you portray your characters is almost painfully perfect to be honest. I love how you write that Kandi is somehow unattainable to Logan or that is what he thinks anyways. She's everything he's not. She's definitely like no other character I have read. You keep them consist which is hard to do and I seem to love Kandi more and more every time I read something from you.