The Actor and the Shoe - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Celebrity Fantasy contest.

This was a cute one-shot. I enjoyed that it was just two people chatting, with Jena trying to convince Jake to come to her show. It was really laid back and an easy read which I really appreciated! I thought the format was interesting as well, with the whole one-shot being just a conversation. I feel like I could have just been there, overhearing their conversation, which added to the laid back feeling that I got while reading the story. I was a bit confused during some parts, but I assume that's because I'm not familiar with Donnie Darko.

On the other side of that though, I would have liked if you added a bit more description related to the setting and emotions. I felt like I knew the characters from their conversation, but I would have loved to read more about where they were and how they were feeling throughout the entire interaction. One-shots are a bit more difficult in that aspect because you don't want to go overboard with all the descriptions, but adding a bit here and there really would have added to the story I think. You had bits and pieces of the emotion part, but adding a bit more plus the setting stuff would really help bring everything up a level.

Overall, well done!

I think this was written really well and it was a smooth and easy read. Very interesting idea for the contest.

Thanks for entering.

@ amykart
It was a simple scene, no conflict was needed. The plot was her attempting to get him to agree to come see her perform, which was resolved in the ending. Frank the bunny is a reference to Donnie Darko, since it's a fanfiction about Jake Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone who played Donnie and Gretchen. That's why they were on a set. I assume you're not familiar with the movie though, so I can understand why you'd be lost. Even though I explain that he's just an actor anyway. Regardless, thanks for the comment.

This was a cute one-shot and I like Jenna's story about the gum and her poor flip flop. There wasn't really any conflict though which was a bit annoying but whatever. The whole frank the bunny thing was kinda confusing though. Maybe elaborate a bit more?

@ dream'n.reality.
I'm glad you like the layout! I was going for clean, simple, and easy to read. You've got it right, a one-shot is just a short story. I agree, it's spacing is wrong and I've attempted to fix that because it looked cluttered, which made it not so easy on the eyes. Thank you for all of your kind words, as well as your suggestions! I really do appreciate it.

I like the layout, it's clean and cute. Never really read a one-shot, I'm guessing just means one chapter? The writing is good and I guess I shunned a blind-eye to the errors cause I didn't notice any. That's probably cause I was too busy reading, haha. I liked how the girl was the brute, kinda switching up the roles a bit. With just a mere chapter I could actually see how the characters were and their personality definitely showed. Which is something to be applauded about, so pat yourself on the back :). The only thing is, which is an opinion and it doesn't go for actual physical books. BUT, in mibba it looks more neater when there are spaces in between certain things, just so it doesn't look like a clump of words. May even making the font larger. OTHER than that it's a good story!