Chiron - Comments

*Comment Swap*
So this is a really interesting idea but I found it a bit confusing to stick with the plot. I'm sure when you'll continue it it'll be clearer but now it's just hard to follow. This is a interesting beginning though. Good luck!

Comment Swap
I'm having a really hard time getting into this, even though the concept seems pretty interesting. I also think this could be very good but your writing is sort of like an impermeable bubble and is quite hard to get into ^^

Hi! I was brought here by comment swap and this story just wasnt really my up of tea, sorry about that. Your writing made things a bit hard to follow and was in first person which made it kind of confusing. Try clarifying a bit

@ mrs. brightside.
Thanks, I sort of am. I can create a new world in my head and I sort of just report what my mind creates. So I have no idea where this is going but that's also why I write in first person, because I don't see things through a omnicent figure but only as one person. It's wierd. But thanks for the suggestions and I'm going too continue it.

First, I really like the idea of this. is it going to be a full length story or just a oneshot? The structure was a little awkward. First, you said "i" a lot, which kind of throws off the flow. I feel like you're an idea type of writer, someone who thinks of a really creative plot but has a hard time executing it. I'm that way. I liked the imagery throughout this whole thing, and you probably did a lot of research to do this. Overall, it's really great :)