Evanescence - Comments

Comment swap:
This is an amazingly heartfelt story that had me hooked from the very beginning. It was written very well and i can see very few errors in your grammar. Just from this story i would be extremely willing to take an interest in your future writing

At first I was under the impression that this would be a cute lil summery sort of thing (especially because the layout totally tricked me there) but it ended up being devastatingly tragic. I felt so bad for Lucas it was hard to remember that he's a fictional character, and not someone real. He's so sweet and cute and I have the deepest sympathies for the main character (whose name I just realised I don't know) because holy shit it must be so hard to be in love with someone who has forgotten you. I think you wrote the whole thing beautifully and HELP it's just so cute and so sad I can't even begin process it right now.

This was absolutely gorgeous and so utterly heartbreaking that I had to stop for a while when I was reading it. The emotion you managed to work into it was so visceral and real, and you write so fluidly and beautifully; nothing was out of place. Really lovely. ❤

1. Narration of Scene [10/10 points]
You did a very nice job narrating the scene. It was obviously an important moment in her life and was paramount to the rest of the story, without it she would have never lived the life she lived.

2. Creativity [11/15 points]
This was very creative. I liked the whole story of her meeting him, and them falling in love, getting married, and then her losing him. It was very nice, and nicely paced. Not too much information, but enough information.

3. Layout [12/15 points]
The layout is beautiful! It's so cute and summery and it all matches perfectly. The pale sandy kind of wood, and the blue in the other background is perfect. My only complaint is the font is a bit too small and bit too close together in the chapter which makes it hard on the eyes. But other than that its really a beautiful layout!

4. Characterization & Description [25/30 points]
I don't think there was a lot of characterization, there was obviously a past to Lucas that we don't know about and she had a past too with her father. I feel like that could've been branched out more.

5. Grammar & Punctuation [30/35 points]
"and that maybe we were both looking out at the ocean and expecting something a little more than just water that had be walking over to him and sitting down beside him." I think you meant "...that had ME walking over to him"

"...and I looked up and him and..." I think you meant "...and I looked up AT him..."

[88/100 ]

Uh, I had tears in my eyes! I loved it and how you were able to tell their story so well :')

i kinda like this :) i like the background too