I am so sorry this took so long for me to comment on, but this is for the Prewrites Contest.
This is a gorgeous piece full of moving description. I really enjoyed reading this and was able to connect to it (also cause it’s a similar writing style to my own).
One thing I feel is that the paragraphs could be even more concise and have less repetition. For example the repetition of words like ‘choke’ and ‘swirling’ can be substituted. Thesaurus’ are our friends!!
I have absolutely no idea what happened to make this person feel this way and yet you’ve made it so that it doesn’t matter. That is the beauty of your work and what made me enjoy it so much and so for that I thank you :)
This is a gorgeous piece full of moving description. I really enjoyed reading this and was able to connect to it (also cause it’s a similar writing style to my own).
One thing I feel is that the paragraphs could be even more concise and have less repetition. For example the repetition of words like ‘choke’ and ‘swirling’ can be substituted. Thesaurus’ are our friends!!
I have absolutely no idea what happened to make this person feel this way and yet you’ve made it so that it doesn’t matter. That is the beauty of your work and what made me enjoy it so much and so for that I thank you :)