In My Old Bedroom - Comments

Comment swap, but I still love it.

I've never thought of something like this before, and I'm dying to know more details. It killed me how short it was. I wish it would of explained it a little better, but at the same time, I'm glad it was so short and sweet. It kept me hooked until the very end.

I'd definitely be interested in hearing a sequel or even a prequel. Hell, I'd love to read something of even some similarity to this. It was definitely worth while, LOVED IT!

(Comment Swap)

The first thing I notice is your overzealous repetition of "this room". To a degree it can be artistic, but if that's all you have to call it by --- the lack of variation is painfully noticeable and even takes me out of the fantasy of the happenings.

For the overall piece, it's a nice idea, and not saying exactly what happened leaves room for imagination and also is a nice way to show us that something terrible happened here. Maybe more than once.

My concern is that you break that unspoken link between reader and writer more than once. You artfully tell us, and you do it by disguising it as a 'show'.

Take for example, "I don't know why I felt so emotional at that point. Or maybe I do, I just didn't expect it."

You might as well put down, "I am emotional , and I do know why."

Instead of using that sentence to paint the emotion.

But you don't do it so much that it kills the story, and you've managed to just barely get away with it. Sometimes it is better to say "I'm angry" than it is to describe clenched teeth and balled fists...

But sometimes, sometimes it's not enough. When it's not enough you need to elaborate.

I really like this piece, I feel it's unique, I feel it's personal. I almost feel uncomfortable reading it, like I'm violating a privacy...

But in a good way? Because I think that's the tone you wanted? The sense that we're invading privacy, I think is something you wanted, so that's good.

It's a beautiful short and it has my rec.

=) The eerie description of plain stuff added a beautifully torturous touch.

Oh this was such a simple idea but so powerful! The idea of looking back at your innocent younger self is so heart breaking but at the same time, it somehow brought a sense of "no matter what, it'll be alright". I'm not quite sure how but that's what I got from it. Nicely done!

Hi! I just wanted to say I really liked this. Reading this story seemed almost.. peaceful. It made me very calm but anxious to see what happened. It was almost reassuring. I think it was really good :)

This story is really mysterious! I'm still wondering what sad things had happened in that room. I was thinking the main character was possibly abused as a child, because blood was mentioned. Please update!

Story comment swap thread-
So first, The title did capture my attention. Then when I read the summery I was more interested to keep reading, The way you describe everything in the room is amazing, you give the read *me* a good view of how the room looked.

"It was stained with tears and blood. Not yet though, I realised. Not yet. This room was still innocent. It hadn’t happened yet."

This line right here,really made me think. What could have happened to cause them to say it hadn't happened yet. What hasn't happened?

Yup, I got the chills while reading this and I got a bit tear eyed. I have to say the way you wrote this chapter was absolutely amazing, It drew me in so much. keep up the great work because I am so going to see what else you have written, This was just. Gosh I dont know what else to say. =)

Though it would be interesting to know why he thought of himself as a freak, how old he was now and how he got back to see his younger self. You should make this into a story. Like make a story of his younger life or even a one shot. because again this was amazing. =)

What an interesting concept. I really like what you've created here; this is very matter-of-fact and nostalgic. It's interesting that the main character described his experience as dream-like - you somehow managed to take that characterization and actually apply it to your own writing, because this definitely came across as belonging to that complex sort of dimension between being awake and asleep, which I thought was perfect. Great job! No critiques here.

Comment swap ~

Although this is a lovely piece of writing. I'm a little confused on it. I feel as if this is a wasted comment because I didn't quite understand it. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The only thing that bugged me was the description of the characters, I feel as if you could have put more into them. But regardless, it's a great piece of writing.

Good job!

This was pretty confusing, but touching. I can understand why an adult would want to change what they did in the past - I think we all do. But I was able to connect with the character, and that's what matters!

I kind of choked up a bit, so kudos for you because I have a heart of steel. xD Just kidding.

I feel like I'm wasting your time because I don't have really any critiques for you. I guess a little more description of the two characters other than the random things and the bedroom. -shrug- It wasn't that bad, though, I'm seriously just scrambling for something to help you out.

One thing that I did think about when I read it was that the kid was unnaturally calm. But then again, this was a strange scenario to begin with.

I liked it.

Um... wowzers. This idea is incredible. I love that you didn't overdo it too; you simply told the story and left it at that, with no major explanation or anything. I think that was a great direction to take this one shot. It's just such a simple but moving read; the idea of going back and comforting your younger self. It's actually making me a little emotional, haha. I mean, there were a few grammar errors but I think if you just read through it again yourself you'd pick up on them, because the talent's definitely there. You did a really, really great job. I find myself emotionally attached to your character as both and child and as (what I assume) is some form of ghost. This was great. (: