You`re My Home - Comments

i may reboot this story but since i`m not such a fan of of mice and men now i may just do original characters...

i have summer school because i failed. but i`m going to try to do this on my free weekends...

it`s been so long! i`m sorry guys. i`m failing my schoolwork this year and i need to focus on that right now, but when school is done i`ll continue this. promise.

it was almost done and like 3,000 words and i was in love with it
then my computer reboots to do updates
and it`s gone
gone
GONE

writing another chapter

i`ve been watching the video of the om&m bus because i`m nitpicky and i`m going to try to make it as realistic as possible.

thanks! it means alot.

Don't worry. I'll stay updated and if you need help or anything don't think twice in asking for it. I know how hard is to start a new fic... ;)

and the whole age ting is young right now because this is when they first met, and the main problem of the story is going to be about the whole keeping secrets, us against the world thing. at the end of the story she`ll be about 17/18. i needed alot of room to fit in everything. as this story is new, i might be making major changes, but i`ll warn you in the comments if i do. (originally she was 13 but that was just wayyy too weird.)

yeah i had stopped writing for a year and picked this up and then i got my laptop taken and i lost my planning sheet, so i was confused. but i`ve been thinking and i`m going to take the last chapter down and re write because the more i read it the more i despise it, honestly. thanks for the feedback, and please stay updated with the story. i`m trying to learn from my mistakes so by the end of this, i`ll be a better writer.

I read your story. I like it at first... I mean you have a good plot and the first chap was good, a little rusty, but good. And then through the 2nd and 3rd things kinda fell flat down I dont know. Like the fact they fell TOO fast in love and the sex scene I just think it could be better, it needs touches here and there. It's a good plot but it needs to be pulish. Also, and this is just a rec, I would have made her 17. It's not so bad as full 14 or 16.

Other than that it's good. Just double check your work and don't rush the storyline so fast.

Good luck.

I really want to write but it would be shit without my laptop and my mom has it so... Mope around with me while I cry bc PTV and mmf is in town and I had tickets but I'm not allowed to go... ):

here`s a map of where she`s been. i thought that would be a neat idea, because books i read as a kid like oz and stuff always had maps. https://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=Chicago,+IL&daddr=Denver,+Colorado+to:Austin,+Texas+to:Orlando,+FL+to:Atlanta,+GA+to:Phoenix,+AZ+to:San+Diego,+CA+to:Las+Vegas,+NV&hl=en&sll=35.209722,-99.272461&sspn=19.444692,42.495117&geocode=FWICfwIdGuDG-inty_TQPCwOiDEAwMAJrabgrw%3BFd9YXgIdcg---SnPFx8jqoBrhzHWNoon-PSOEQ%3BFRHXzQEdK48s-ikvA8ygmbVEhjF61WnUS0abXQ%3BFeB1swEdXEAm-yl3vM3-2HPniDGev6U8BrLDCg%3BFQP4AgIdclf4-imNCZNpXQT1iDELYwuZL97-Zg%3BFblh_gEdy-JR-SnLeaFQ7RIrhzGsG0o1-MdpjA%3BFUEy8wEdeVIE-SlLHpKtD1PZgDF53xX9_SE6DQ%3BFdYQJwIdMJoi-SnRffWkgre-gDGjebPV5tXMOg&gl=us&dirflg=w&mra=ls&t=m&z=5

i started the nex chapter but it got deleted ugh starting over

@ tony is my turtle
Awesome. I'm glad I could be helpful. (:

i`ll make some adjustments.

thanks. i only started this today, so i`m still working. but the critisism is very useful. (;

This has potentional to be a great story. I hope it's okay if I make a few suggestions that might improve it.

I would suggest separating paragraphs so it's easier to read and capatilizing names and such. Editing is always important. Also, 15 is a bit young. Maybe sixteen, verging seventeen (so its a little more believable.)

I like it so far. This could be a very good story. Hope you don't mind the con/crit. :)