Death Wish - Comments

Update please !!!!!!!!! X

You haven't updated since forever and this is so nice.

This was super cool, though I did skip some parts haha. Awesome work...But Gordon kinda...well I didn't like him. I guess that's just me, the story is actually brilliant. ^_^

This one keeps getting better and better.

Hey there Marian!

I was reading your story here, and I must say, it does have a unique touch to it. I have only read the first chapter so far, but I can already tell you that I’m addicted. I will be continuing with your work! To catch and hold a reader’s attention with the first chapter (heck, even the summary!) itself is something you should definitely be proud of as a writer!

However, I would like to point out some odd sayings/sentences that I noticed . . .
Quotes/Excerpts from your story is colored in purple!

Eventually some strange things started to happen like notes, things and even letters for her, for his victim.
Several times when you used conjunctions, you did forget the comma. . .
This sentence is a bit confusing as well.

For the night the kids were home with Melissa Molson, she would watch over them.
Either this sentence should be broken up into 2, or you could add an ‘and’ before ‘she’.

She fixed her light make-up before she wore my coat.
Um . . .I think you meant ‘her coat’ there. . .

I thought he would since we had two beautiful children together and we loved one another but I didn’t want him to be in danger. Letha thought.
Here, you are mixing up the past, and future together.
I think that it would be beneficial to reword the sentence.
Also, I think there should be a comma instead of a period/full stop before ‘Letha thought’.

I’m not going to list every one, but there are some minor errors here, and there! It sounds a bit odd . . .
I wouldn’t have even mentioned them, if I didn’t fall in love with this story. Thus, I don’t want any readers/potential fans to turn away from your marvelous work just because of something as silly as grammar/spelling!

Please do keep on writing . . .

~ Verona :)

This story is very nice and I like the characters you have created. Please update soon.

ahhhhhhhhh! update soon!!! :)

do u do banners

The descriptions are very well succeeded in this like your short stories/one shots, I like this story but feel the action in the 1st chapter needed to slow a little bit and not rush. Adding details to provoke reaction is important and you nail it in other chapters but not on the 1st chapter as it sounds rushed. I don't feel the passion in the beginning like I did with your other stories. The short series is amazing and I look forward to reading those but I just couldn't get into this one. You have an amazing talent in writing, and you will go far with it, just this particular one just seems forced in some parts. I wouldn't give up on the story because it is really good and you have a fan base with it, the content as well isn't really something I normally read but I think you should continue regardless because it is good.

Delivering Nick Fury's Easter Egg.

I really like this story. I tend to sort of shy away from this kind thing (Not completely of course), but this plot really captivated me and I enjoyed the imagery you have going on. I really like Letha and Gordon's relationship, but I feel bad that Letha has that sense of guilt and dread hanging about her all the time. I hope Gordon helps her overcome it really soon.

The only problem I have when reading this story is when the grammar is a bit off. Like there are places where you can add a comma, but the entire flow was thrown off too much. :)

Other than that, you did a great job with the story.

I was intrigued as soon I saw the picture at the top. This story is really good. I wasn't expecting to be so riveting in just a couple chapters and I wasn't expecting to get so into it but I did and I give you props for that.
You've built a good storyline and am excited to see it develop :)

Thi is a really interesting idea. You seem to have taken something everyday and mundane (a relationship) and completely spun it around and put your own twist on it, which I really admire. I don't usually read stuff with sex scenes in it, but that isn't the main part of this story and I'm quite thankful because I appreciate the main story plot itself.

Your descriptio is lovely, you really do paint a beautiful picture for the reader during the nice parts, and during the dark parts you do a fantastic job of showing this really uneasy side to Letha that comes across really well within the chapters.

Something’s was wrong - this should be Something was wrong. Also, in the The Note, you start in a different person-perspective in the first sentence which I think might be a little mistake. Just thought I'd point it out.

I'm really intrigued by this, there are a lot of unanswered questions that I'll be reading more into when I have the chance. Good work! :)

This story keeps getting better and better. Way to go. XD

This story keeps getting better and better. Way to go. XD

You are such a brilliant writer. This is a very interesting story. I love the name Letha.

[iMaybe, I really did imagine it!
You forgot to cap it off. Not a real probably or anything, just in case you really want it italicized.

Wow, I saw this again, or if I didn't say it earlier, this is a really good story.

This was very intriguing and I am going to carry on reading this. Ooh, the note was creepy and I need to find out whats going to happen. The writing was very good as well and this seems a nice original idea. I love it! :)

@ Silhouette I can't say why yet but the answer will show in the next chapters. :)

@ Silhouette I can't say why yet but the answer will show in the next chapters. :)

The plot seems to be a little bit rushed, but the writing itself is quite good. You handle writing something that could really easily turn into a cliche very delicately, and it feels completely original.

Also, and this is a genuine question and not criticism-- why on earth would she try so hard to keep things secret from her husband? Silly girl.

I am interested to see who the man from chapter one was/is and how he will play into the story. I am not too big on sex scenes because they all kind of run into one another after awhile but that is just personal taste, it's not as if yours was poorly written. I did catch a few grammar errors here and there but nothing major. I think this story could be quite good if you keep with it!