Royalty or Royal Pain? - Comments

About the whole killing scene when he's fighting to get to his father, I sort of wanted to give the audience a sense of him just losing himself. If that makes any sense. P.S. I don't think you spelled anything wrong.

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to comment on this. I've been super busy lately.

For starters, I think you have an awesome idea. I love the originality and the war aspect; I really enjoy those type of stories. There's definitely an alternate world you're building here and that draws me in. Here's what I have to give for constructive criticism:
One simple way to keep readers hooked is to separate the text into paragraphs instead of one big one. I'd suggest making the first line "My name is etc..." stand by its own mainly to give it some power and influence. I've read some books that have started out with lines like these.
Another thing is that you're "telling" a lot more than "showing". The second chapter started out very well with the imagery, but it reverted into a "and this happened, and then this happened, et cetera." Okay, a battle's going on. What is your character feeling? What's he seeing and feeling as he's killing things? The crunch of bones and the splatter of blood underneath his hands? This is just a small example, but it can strengthen your story by a lot.
Also, this is another tiny thing, but you might want to spell out the numbers rather than write them as is. Formats differ from what kind of thing you're writing, but I always learned to spell numbers out until over 25 and then write them as such.
Anyway, I hope this helps! Keep on writing! (Forgive me for any spelling errors in here, I typed this on my iPod.)