I Never Meant For It To Happen - Comments

I found myself almost crying from this. Emmie reminds me of a friend I once had... She has long since lost her kids in the foster care system, but one of her boys was around Jacob's age, so this one-shot tugged at some heart strings. A lot of people choose not to write about addiction and its consequences, purely because it is often a taboo subject, but I'm really glad you did. I could feel the emotional changes that followed Emmie through out the night. This is an incredibly sad story, but it is also so truthful. It could happen to anyone. This was so harsh and full of emotion, but thank you for writing it!

This was a really sad story, I felt really bad for that Jacob boy, he seemed so sweet, innocent and full of young life not yet experienced. Emmie should have never agreed to watch her brother and should have never touched drugs in the first place. It was an interesting story, you have talent in writing. Although it is a bit creepy.

I was really upset reading this. It was a great one hit is what I'm saying but I feel so much sadness for the kid Jacob. He was so innocent and her selfish crazy mind took over. So sad... but good story non the less. I like the brutal strike, kinda didnt expect her to go through with it.

I really like this story, but I do have to admit it's freaky. Is Emmie schizophrenic or something? I can't believe someone would go that far just to get something as simple as attention. Poor Jacob. :( Please update!

Oh my ... this was devestating to read :O ... it was good but harsh

Comment Swap.

You know I honestly thought this might have been some weird love story but indeed it was, it was a love story with whatever addiction she had. So I was right haha but I honestly was not expecting this ending. I just thought maybe something dramatic in a sense would happen but not that ending. I just wrote how do people write the killing of a young child, so I actually give you snaps for that. You can do something that I don't think I could ever write in a story, it was interesting and it was different. I automatically love stories that are different than the normal, and I hope you keep writing stuff that is taboo.

P.s. I don't really care if you have a layout or not because it's a one-shot but meh some people are hella picky but do you chica.

comment swaper, i got happy when i read the title..titles dont make books good or not, but they do draw me in. Like a first meeting, people will put something in their mind before you even speak..Now with the writing it is good too.. i loled when i read the summary bottom part, has someone stole your work before? because if not that looks rather tacky...there should be a layout, but that's an opinion..for the rest of it, I like the idea of it. :)

comment swaper, i got happy when i read the title..titles dont make books good or not, but they do draw me in. Like a first meeting, people will put something in their mind before you even speak..Now with the writing it is good too.. i loled when i read the summary bottom part, has someone stole your work before? because if not that looks rather tacky...there should be a layout, but that's an opinion..for the rest of it, I like the idea of it. :)

Comment swap~

Well, this caught me off guard. I was kind of turned off by your story at first because of the lack of the layout. Many readers will turn away from your story because you don't have a layout to match it. I suggest you start looking for one!
I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, good job!

Hello! Comment swap brought me here. Alright, to be honest this story was a little weird but the ending definitely caught me by surprise. This is a pretty dark one-shot, and I applaud the living shit out of you for writing such a story! Haha. Though the grammar was a little off, I didn't care too much. I loved reading this. I was definitely not confused!

Ohmygod.... I am like so confused... but in a good way! Every one is saying bad things about this story but I love it! It is captivating and surprisingly intriguing! I wish this wasn't a one-shot simply because I don't want to stop reading! I started reading and after the first paragraph.... I was hooked! Please write some more oneshots! The only thing I can complain about is your grammar....

Okay, so I think it would be a good idea if you had a different layout. I say this because a lot of readers—including myself-- like to see an appealing story layout. Something that helps support the theme of the story or maybe even the mood. It would just help convey and portray the story a lot better. I’d also suggest you go back and check some grammatical errors and you seemed to have repeated yourself a lot. Overall, I think you should go back and trim, chop, and smooth things over a bit. Other than that, I enjoyed your story! Keep writing because practice makes perfect!

So from the comment swap, there are a ton of problems listed here.
1.) go back through and fix the many grammatical errors. You have far too many. There were words missing and words that shouldn't be used, some of which are just completely and utterly random.
2.) A little more background to the story could be done. How did Emmie get into drugs, why besides money did Emmie quit or if for money explain how Emmie ran out and was no longer able to purchase.
3.) Too many unrealistic details here, like parents aren't going to willing to leave a kid to be watched by a sibling, a parent has a reason for their action, and seeing as Emmie acted the way Emmie did in this one story then there should of been signs

I think you should take a look at this again and fix this up a bit, smooth it out a bit, also if this is just a short story, a smoother ending is needed. Fix these and you'll have a great story on your hands.

*comment swap*

at times, i thought this was going to end ridiculously; but it didn't! honestly i think you should turn this into a full length story, and make this the prologue. and make the story sort of how she got to be a drug addict and develop obvious mental disorders, et cetera. it was well written, i liked it :)