May 23rd, 2014 at 07:38pm
I'm going to be obnoxious and re post part of my comment because comment swap didn't register it the first time:
I just want to say, first of all, that the dynamic between Bex and Jamie is fantastic :) And, I'm not going to lie, super funny. "Get in line, sister. Manuel, Chang, and Luigi are already vying for my affection after the massive tips I just gave them." Love it!
(I still love it, even if this is just a repost of the same comment :P)
I've got nothing to criticize from what I've read here. Your writing is upbeat and a lot of fun to read! It seems like you've got a really good handle on dialogue and using it to set the stage for your characters' personalities and relationships, and that's a really important part of writing (in my opinion, at least). I look forward to seeing where this story goes!