I like the story as a concept. I kind of wish there was more showing and less telling on the part of the intentions of the characters. I like that there is the tention of this love square(?) but I wonder if the tension would be even higher if there was less insight right away about what everyone is thinking. Also it might be better to not label the characters right away and let the readers make their own lables. For example you lable one of the characters a "troubled kid" there's gotta be a way to show that he's a troubled kid with out saying he's a "troubled kid". I like it I'd like to read more. ^_^
September 18th, 2013 at 09:28pm