My Eternal Afterlife - Comments

  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    I'm here as a judge for the First A7X Contest.

    First off I want to mention that this story was really difficult to read because it was basically just a giant wall of text. Separating the paragraphs and the bits of dialogue would make it much easier to read.

    I like the concept of meeting the person you love in the afterlife. Clearly they loved each other a lot, and the thought that you can meet the person you love after you die is almost reassuring, in a way. I thought it was interesting that you added the element of memory loss as a way to introduce the plot line to the readers, it added a bit of mystery that was interesting to read.

    There was quite a lack of description, though. I felt like we just got the surface level of what was going on, so I didn't really feel much of a connection to what was happening. I didn't feel the emotion that I was wanting throughout the story. Yeah, I knew they were in love, but I didn't really feel it. I also felt like I was sort of missing out on a bit of the story because I didn't really know what happened with them beforehand. You mentioned the car accident and the heart attack, but it would have been nice to have a bit more backstory.

    Thanks for entering!
    July 27th, 2017 at 06:28am
  • StacieIerogeance

    StacieIerogeance (100)

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    i liked this it was really good
    March 21st, 2013 at 12:47am