Until You're Mine - Comments

This was the first Jensen story I've ever read, and I was definitely not disappointed.  

I love how you started off with that sleazy guy being, well, sleazy. By far one of the more interesting beginnings I've read and it worked well, showing off your skills in character development, even if he was only a minor character.  

I would suggest that you change your opening line though. "The entire cabin shook" needs to be separated with a period rather than a comma.  

What you did with the italic phrases throughout was really clever. Normally it'd throw a reader off, instead it just draws attention to the reality of the situation. It was a unique style that complemented the story.  

Also towards the start, you miss out a couple of apostrophes with "mother's" like when describing her Chanel perfume.  

The details you weave in are so effortless. You really have a gift for setting a scene and giving your characters extra layers (her mother's perfume was my favourite.

I'm not sure you need the "How Gabrielle ached at the thought of him and the heartbreak he had caused." It's just too conspicuous for my taste - really spelling it out that Jensen hurt her feelings. The way you've written it, honestly, you don't need that sentence.
Sorry if I'm being nitpicky, but these things are just to (try) help you polish it off if you ever edit or something.  

"He's in town" such a good line. I got goose bumps the same time Gabrielle did, haha! Perfect. And then the "He didn't marry Daneel" my heart just kind of exploded.

I thought the treehouse thing was really cute. Though I was wondering why he was there in the first place...I hope her mom let him up there or something. However, his declaration really was sweet.

Very cute, and very well-written!

So I definitely almost screamed when I saw you wrote a Jensen one-shot (I've hardly ever stumbled across Jensen stories!) and when I saw the layout I'm pretty sure I fainted on my keyboard for a few moments... This was perfect! I hope to see more writings about Jensen from you, you write him just the way I picture his personality and demeanor!

Oh my gosh, I am melting. I might be a bit biased when it comes to this piece, but I absolutely loved it. You have a way of packing a punch with description, but not overloading the reader with sensory information. It just flows naturally within the story, and it doesn't make it awkward. The setting and scenes of the story were all clear in my head, and that's a wonderful thing to achieve!

Thank you so much! *fangirls*