Demons and Spiders - Comments

n. josten (1270)

:: Ghoul of 2016
Gender:: ♂
Age:: 92
Location:: United States

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

You know, to be honest, I never thought of looking at Black Widow and Loki as a pairing to write about. It could be because I love to hate Loki, whereas I just love Black Widow altogether. So right off the jump, I was intrigued by the concept. The whole “Avengers are evil” and the two of them have to help each other to get back to their dimension. I think it’d be a really interesting plot if you continued past the 5 chapters you have now. Especially with the character relationships you’re building. I like that you brought Jane along so her and Thor’s relationship could develop on the side, as well.

I did find Hawkeye to be a bit… infuriating. He seemed very out of character, borderline childish. I know that you were writing about him trying to recover from being brainwashed, which I really did appreciate. I think most of my dislike about how Hawkeye was came from the fact that I enjoy his and Natasha’s platonic relationship so I’m not going to be very eager to see him develop feelings for her. It makes sense since she’s been the one that’s been trying to get him through it but ugh.

Loki is definitely in character. With his eagerness for mischief and danger, I thought it was very Loki-esque for him to be getting cabin fever and using Hawkeye as entertainment since he’s so damn sadistic. I could see where you were going with Black Widow/Loki in chapter five because it makes a lot of sense that he’d be both bothered and interested by the only human that outsmarted him.

There were some points where you could have used a comma because it was kind of confusing at times. For example, in chapter two, when Thor and them land in Asgard and Thor’s mother is there, she asks, “Is this her son?” And at first, I was really confused because there isn’t a comma between ‘her’ and ‘son’. I thought she was asking if [this], as in someone else, was Jane’s son considering the narrative was focused on her in that moment. This happens a few times throughout the chapters.

Other than that, I think this is an interesting idea with an equally interesting pairing. Good job!

July 7th, 2017 at 06:43am

Jenia (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United States

>_> I'm late on this story, but I thought it was awesome. ;D

November 10th, 2014 at 11:40pm

Jordypye (1400)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 28
Location:: New Zealand

Summary: This really pulled me in, like I said in the previous comment swap I do think there’s too much of the plot being given to the reader whoever this summary intrigued me and Loki is one of my favourite characters, I’ve never thought about pairing him up with Black Widow before so this will be an interesting read!

I love Clint’s humour in the first chapter, I also really enjoyed the interact between all the characters, it was very amusing.

I really liked this, I haven’t read any other Loki fanfictions like this before, it’s unique and I’m excited to see where you take this story! :D Good Job!

March 25th, 2014 at 03:45pm