As far as first impressions go, I will admit that I had to switch over to the default layout because the white font on the navy blue background is just too difficult for me to read. I did like that you chose to keep the summary page simple, but at the same time, I wish I would’ve had a little bit more, either through graphics or a more-telling summary, to grab onto as a reader because I felt like I couldn’t really get an idea of what this story was about at all just from the summary page. I also felt like most of the things you included in your summary would have been better suited for the author’s note section.
Moving on to the actual content of the story, I appreciated the fact that you took a different route with your entry and chose to not only focus on a relationship between two women but to also set the piece on a spaceship with artificial intelligence. I like how you took a fairly common emotion and transposed it onto a foreign, science fiction environment.
As far as constructive criticism goes, I did notice a few grammatical errors in this piece. There were also a lot of instances where I felt the writing grew way too wordy, especially in some sections in which the wording was so awkward that it grew difficult to follow. As a reader, I also found myself needing a lot more background information about the characters, the setting, and the universe in order to become fully immersed in the story. Though, towards the end, you put some effort into developing the relationship between Jade and Leura, and I would have liked to have seen that same effort towards character development throughout the rest of the story.
Overall, I thought this was definitely an intriguing read. Thanks for entering!
Moving on to the actual content of the story, I appreciated the fact that you took a different route with your entry and chose to not only focus on a relationship between two women but to also set the piece on a spaceship with artificial intelligence. I like how you took a fairly common emotion and transposed it onto a foreign, science fiction environment.
As far as constructive criticism goes, I did notice a few grammatical errors in this piece. There were also a lot of instances where I felt the writing grew way too wordy, especially in some sections in which the wording was so awkward that it grew difficult to follow. As a reader, I also found myself needing a lot more background information about the characters, the setting, and the universe in order to become fully immersed in the story. Though, towards the end, you put some effort into developing the relationship between Jade and Leura, and I would have liked to have seen that same effort towards character development throughout the rest of the story.
Overall, I thought this was definitely an intriguing read. Thanks for entering!