The first line was great. It hinted on what the story was going to be about and what the character was like and I really like it, though I think i've heard it before. I like your descriptions. They're short and quick and somewhat plain but simple enough for me to understand them. It's refreshing to read something that isn't extremely littered with similes and metaphors (though i use them and possibly overuse them a lot).
I really love how you described this character, I couldn't even elaborate on how amazing it is. Basically you've hooked me and made me want to read more with this one short chapter you've written, and that is great.
The last lines in this chapter were just as amazing as the first. You're very talented. c:
I really love how you described this character, I couldn't even elaborate on how amazing it is. Basically you've hooked me and made me want to read more with this one short chapter you've written, and that is great.
The last lines in this chapter were just as amazing as the first. You're very talented. c: