Straight Through My Heart - Comments

*Comment Swap* Awe I love this! It's so sweet! I really like your descriptions and your writing style, it's simple and has an easy flow. I don't think I spotted any grammar errors, sometimes the way you word things is a little confusing. And other than that I can't find anymore faults! :] xxx

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YOU TOOK THAT LINE OFF SHERLOCK! Just saying, I'm not shouting at you for it :D

I love your story so much : )

I am not on for being harsh. I prefer to explain your mistakes instead of pointing at them a hoping you understand after a year or so like a lot of people here who have short handed me a critic. Your first chapter, or prologue, was average. I didn't notice much spelling mistakes but I am not one for great spelling. Gramma though, that is where I focus on, and something you need to as well. The gramma you start off with is past tense but then you use present tense. Simple way to show you gramma is writing the same sentence using all three tenses.

Past tense:

I walked into the room.

Present tense:

I walk into the room.

Future tense:

I will walk into the room.

Hopefully that sums it up quickly. Basically it’s the couple of tiny letters that you at or leave that make the biggest difference. I hate it myself really. The English language is so technical and unforgiving with few loopholes and exceptions when writing anything. That’s why I learnt Japanese instead before mastering English properly.

The story itself is a little too short to actually judge but so far I am interested and wondering how the next chapter will proceed.

When it comes to Jimmy's last name, I realized I failed to explain this in the story that his mother had remarried.

ohh I like this story so far..I haven't read a Frerard fic in so long