Doorstep - Comments

Well, this is interesting. I’m going to follow it. I just read the first chapter and I liked how the situation was perfectly detailed. And I liked how the conversation was natural and didn’t sound weird. I’m recommending this one. But one thing though. I’m not sure if this is a problem, but I think it is. You changed the viewpoint a few times during the first chapter. That’s a little distracting to the reader, though they may not realize it. (First the viewpoint was the Lauren, suddenly it changed to her brother (…sending goosebumps all over his body) then it went back to Lauren and then it jumped back to Pete (Pete gulped and left quickly, not wanting to face the wrath of his girlfriend), and then back to Lauren again.

If Niel was standing at my doorstep half-naked in the middle of the night, I probably wouldn't be responsible for my actions, oh man.
I've seen a gif of him with a t-shirt on and he's wet and it's sticking to his body and there was an outline of abs an I about died so I am pretty sure you are very accurate in describing his body, ugh.
Anywho, this story is intriguing and I quite enjoy it so far. I like Lauren's character already and I definitely want to learn more about her! I shall be subscribing for more, yes.

I love this so much already! I wonder how her brothers going to react when/if he see Niel in the house! Please update soon!

Aww, I'm touched by your chapter you've dedicated to me.

I'm beginning to think though that Lauren is just like you.

I liiiiike it (((: ahha excited to see what's gonna come, it already seems cute and the protagonist is cool so yea got hopes for this (:

So, this must be another story you're working on.

THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I'VE EVER READ FROM YOU.

Anyways, I'll root for you as always. Much love, muwah! <-- that is my failed attempt to an internet kiss. Don't blame me.

Great first chapter. It already caught my attention (:
I hope to see more, it has a lot of potential.