Okay, now I'm officially crying. argh, the keyboard is getting wet and so are my fingers. Everything in it is something I can relate to. And if its based on you, then I'm awfully sorry you've had to go through that. It hurts. Especially the part about being quiet about it all. Just wanting...wanting.
Maybe one day. Maybe one day you'll get that person. I hope to God you do. Because it hurts going through everything alone.