The Assistant - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the NC-17 Only contest.

I liked that you put a little twist on this story at the end. I as initially a bit turned off from the story because it just seemed like Brian was an ass and I wasn't really into it, but the end completely changed my perspective and I enjoyed how you were able to make me completely change my perspective.

There is a couple things I wanted to point out. The first is that the lack of description you have makes the story feel very choppy. It almost felt factual instead of like you were telling the story of people's lives, so it was difficult for me to get really invested in what was happening. The second was that there was quite a few grammatical errors, especially with dialogue tags -- there should be a comma before the quotation mark, and the word after it (he, she, etc.) should be lowercase. Also, adding something other than "he said" and "she said" will help add a bit of dimension to the story and make it feel a bit less monotonous.

Thanks for entering!

Is it weird that I could see him do this in real life? NO
LOL
That was amazingly hot.
You got awesome writing talent :3
Very smutty indeed

This was nice. I enjoyed the ending and arrogant, smutty Brian is always hot! Good job. ;)

OH GOD! THE TEMPERATURE HAS SUDDENLY RISEN IN THIS ROOM! Holy fuck, Brian just ugh, so hot. Mm, I wouldn't mind being his assistant, he can call me to his office and fuck me anytime ;) I love how he is so controlling, wasn't expecting that ending but I thought it was cute. I love me some role playing, smutty one shots. This was really good and now I need to go change my panties so if you'll excuse me.

@ amabie.
He could be in a bin bag and I'd still jump him haha

@ RachTheBat_
hahaa I know I mean how could you resist Brian in a suit!

This is just UNFF! Naughty, sexy Brian! I'll come and work for you if that's what happens! Haha. Loved it!

@ Rita_Haner
Omg wow thanks :) your comment has made my day!

Damn! Loved it! I really wasnt expecting that end. I really wasnt, but I loved it! Awesome one shot for your 1st one. Keep writting :)

@ shortygirl
thank you ^^

This is really good for your first one shot

@ Zacky Vengeance;
thank you! i loved writing it too glad you enjoyed :D

Awww that was such a cute ending after Brian was an asshole for the whole time! But damn, controlling Brian is sexy as hell! Amazing one-shot my love, I'd love to be his assistant for a day!