Fight or Flight - Comments

I like the changes and I'm liking the story. I hope you do well in the contest! :)

I liked the update and would like to read more soon :) I don't have any feedback yet though, sorry!

@ CheerBabeXHco
Thanks! I hope it's one of us who wins too!

@ AngelBlue
Thanks for your compliments and criticism. I see what you mean about Daryl's POV in chapter one. It seems like every time I go back I see something else I don't like...

@ StrikeFast
Thank you for the compliments (:

So I figured that I would check our your story since you were nice enough to check out mine (we're both in the contest)! I totally get the whole rewriting thing.. I did it for my Hunger Games story and I'm planning on doing it again..

Anywho, I'm really loving the story so far! Update soon, please(:
Good luck to you in the competition, as well! Let's hope it you or me!

{Comment Swap}
Other than zombies I wasn't sure what to expect from this one as I've never seen The Walking Dead before but it was very readable. I don't know what this was like before your rewrite but it's very good. You're capturing the voice of the character well and I particularly liked your description of Janie scrambling out the back window as you really got the feeling of eyes sweeping up and around her body.
My only real crit would be when it was Daryl's POV in Chapter One as there was a lot of the man, the woman etc which got a bit confusing. Also, the last line of Janie's POV in that chapter could be reworked a little as it didn't quite read right.

The sudden brightness of the afternoon Georgian sun shined in their faces, blinding them so that they didn’t see the truck speeding down the road.

I don't know if maybe some punctuation or a word was missed out there.
Anyway, over all a well written story that has real potential to go far. Good job!x

I sure hope you'll win the contest! I found the dialogue very believable and you also use italics in a good way! Just the right amount that it stays effective.

I love how different the two siblings are and that it seems like the girl is slightly stronger than the boy. The zombie-genre is also hot-hot-hot right now!

So, I like it so far=)

Your doing a pretty good job.

@ c.k.dexter-haven
No problem! Good luck with the contest!

@ Kingsgirl77
Thanks so much

@ c.k.dexter-haven
I more so meant third person, its sometimes easier to understand. First person is fine, I use it and keep using it. It worked well but more descriptive detail would help with first person. I really liked the story regardless

@ takahe.angel
Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

@ Lyrical_Miracle
Thanks for the feedback. Going back, I see what you mean by things seeming choppy, and I'll admit that I did feel as though I rushed through these two chapters.

@ Kingsgirl77
Thank you for your feedback as well. I have been having a hard time with portraying character development, mostly due I think to the fact I haven't written anything in a while. One little thing I would like to ask if you could elaborate on (sorry, I know this isn't what you really signed up for using comment swap) but when you say a different narration perspective, do you mean like making everything third person? First person? Not switching between the two or switching between Daryl and Janie? I would really appreciate it if you responded.

Comment Swap:

So I have never read anything seen the Walking Dead but I really enjoyed your story. I think if it was written from a different perspective it could have ran more smoothly. But the details were good, grammar was good. It's hard to get a large sense of character development. But since this is a tv series that isn't really needed because the people who would typically read this would understand and have seen the character development. Transitions were great, I could understand what was happening. I like that thoughts were in italics. I would say different narration perspective to make the story even more understandable. Overall great job!

Comment Swap!

So, I usually don't read stories that are based on the Walking Dead series (I've only watched a bit, so I'm trying to catch up before reading anything that goes off the episodes). But comment swap brought me here, so I read it! It was pretty good. The only thing I have to say is that the story seems kind of choppy in the sense that details are left out and it's more just like a play by play. Otherwise, great work! I hope you continue, and I hope you do well in the contest!

I'm enjoying reading I know what you mean with the writing their accents - it can definitely get annoying seeing all those squiggly lines It was a good chapter and I can't wait to read more! I do wonder if Jake is bit though....

That was a good first chapter! I'm intrigued by this story. Update soon!