Devotion - Comments

Please write more, it's good but very itty bitty. If your contest is over, it would be awesome if you wrote more ;)

Love the layout, and the title is exactly what I like - short and simple.

I don't know the fandom at all, but I could read this like an original story, which is what good fan fiction does. You give just enough description of Murphy. All that matters is his love for Sara, and his appreciation of everything about her.

You did capture 'devotion' perfectly, but I do feel a little empty about it. There's just zero action. It's like boy-loves-girl and his brother might not like it, but whatever. I want more from this. It's almost like the devotion is just superficial - I have no real evidence that he truly cares. I'm not sure if that's your intention, but if it is, great, if not, I think you need to re-work this a bit.

Aside from that, this was pretty cute.

Good luck in the contest.

I don't know this fandom at all, but you've described everything so well that I don't really mind not knowing! I loved how cute this was throughout, it really was so adorable especially close to the end. It's a shame that Murphy thinks they can't be together because of his brother, but it's nice that he's savouring the moment.

Your description really is beautiful though. You've painted a beautiful picture in a few words, which I think is really commendable. It's cute, simple and really elegant. Absolutely beautiful.

I'll be announcing the winners later on tonight, so good luck!

I just saw that this was fan fiction. I have no clue what fandom this is from but it didn't matter because I appreciated it all the same. This was incredibly sweet and down right precious. It was so simple - just a single moment suspended in time - but it was so beautiful and actually left me with a smile on my face. You're a very talented writer, you know. The way that you writer your characters and their internal thoughts is so natural and beautiful. A lot of people sometimes struggle with making shorter pieces flow, but you do not whatsoever. You're especially good at making me feel all squishy inside. This seriously was just the sweetest thing! I thoroughly enjoyed it a lot.

So this was the sweetest thing. It was so simple, but it was a moment in time that was really sweet. It was nice to read a story about a guy in love from the actual guy's perspective.

I'm not really into overly romantic things, but I definitely liked this. The simplicity of it and how well you characterized Murphy and Sara in a one shot really got me.

I really liked this.

I hope there's gonna be more!