Broken Bride - Comments

Words can't describe how beautifully sad this is. Great job, Erin. I loved this story. <3

@ SleepingSoundlyAwake
Thank you. I'm glad you felt the emotion of the story. You're comment still means a lot.

Oh my I felt the feels, that was heartbreaking yet I could feel the relief in a way. Really sad- I felt so bad for them. I don’t really have anything to say other than it was good!

Sorry for the short comment

@ Divine Faery
It is a bittersweet story. I'm glad you liked it.

@ Alex Moore.
Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to me.

Comment swap: First things first, I really like the layout. It does not distract from the story but suits it very well.

This starts off very intruiging. It is a bold move to write about heaven, many have tried and even more have not dared too. I think you did a good job, telling what you needed to tell, but leaving enough to peoples imagination and ideas of heaven.

I love the simplicity of the narrator. You truly get a feel of what kind of person he was and where he came from. He sounds like a good soul, having lived a hard but honest life. And I love that his wife feels his presence, I hoped I could feel those of people I've lost. It would be a true blessing.

In a way, I think his bride wanted to die. I think she wanted to join her husband and be happy with him again. Maybe the sword in her body was a mercy and not a crime.

I think this is a great one-shot. I truly admire people who (unlike me) need chapters and chapters to tell a story. My hat's off to you!

About grammar and such; I cannot give you feedback. I am a Dutch girl and am not a true genius when it comes to English grammar.

This story is sweet, yet somehow sad. He comes to visit his wife bit can't truly be with her and has to watch her suffer while he is gone and can't physically do anything to help her. I liked that she smacked one of the knights and ruins usually I world be sad that she died I'm not because if I'm right she'll get to join get husband in heaven and they can finally be happy together again.

@ princess jasmine
Thank you! I am happy to see another reader.

I loooved this. You really have a good way with words, because I was interested throughout the entire story. Like everyone else mentioned, I tend not to read medieval stories, though I do take interest in them. However, I'm really glad to have read this. Thank you for sending it my way and really good job

@ Snow.White.Queen.
Wow, thank you so much! That's really nice to hear.

Woah, this kind of blew me away! At first I wasn't looking forward to a medieval story, but you wrote this incredibly! Your use of words is really really good. Your grammar is good too, a few mistakes, but nothing horrendous. You are clearly a very powerful writer, top marks for this one.

@ kota is alright.
Thank you!

I'm nit usually into medieval things, but I enjoyed this! I thought it was really interesting. Recommending!

@ viralstorm
I find the start of your comment helpful! You can only go for song long with nothing but praise.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and was able to provide free thinking for my readers.

Hello dear,

First of I want to say thank you for sending this my way, you rock! Secondly, I want to point out a few things that I noticed may need looking over.

"It’s only been mere two months since death has come upon me." I think this would sound better if it said "a mere two months," instead.

"I come upon the small hay roofed home that I worked hard to built for my future family." I worked hard to build* I also don't think it should say future family, just family makes more sense.

There was one or two other things I saw. Mostly tense changes and sentence structure that seemed a bit off. Don't try to fit too much into one sentence. It is okay to break things up a bit.

I really like that he is still taking care of his wife, even in the afterlife. I thought it was very heart warming that she could feel his presence, that she was so sure he was there with her. There is the mystery of his death that allows us readers to paint our own version of this story. Even though his wife states that it is the knights fault, we still don't know exactly what happened to him. I love being able to come up with my own idea.

Oddly enough I was happy she was murdered. How mean right? With the way this was written though, I couldn't help but to feel like it was for the best. She will no longer have to worry about pleasing the royals, there will be no more of those life stresses. Not to mention she will be reunited with her husband.

This was a very beautiful sentiment. I hope you don't find my beginning comments discouraging, I just know I would want someone to point those things out to me. I really enjoyed reading this and was disappointed when it ended. I'll definitely have to check out some more of your work.

wow, that is amazing, so engaging and perfectly written. Wow!

@ a mimosa pudica
I'm glad that it came out as a surprise and wasn't a predictable story.

@ January Rose
I also enjoyed the husbands role.

It was so beautiful! Such strong emotions were engraved and I couldn't imagine how long it would take me to write a story like this.

It was poetic and melancholic at a whole different level. I loved reading it in his POV because it made a lot more sense to me, somehow. I thought that the title would be about a woman but it was different. You are definitely one full of surprises.

So good! I loved how the husband was there but not truly there, there if you know what I mean. I feel so bad for the wife, but hopefully she'll be with her husband once again in heaven.

I liked this. It had love,happiness, sorrow, and death all tied together in short story

@ serendipity;
I feel honored for my writing to be compared to his! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and hope this is the start of you reading stories you normally you don't read more often.

Thank you!