August 9th, 2008 at 07:09pm
As I stepped out into the freezing November air and stared at the huge dome looming over me, it finally hit me. That image of being overwhelmed by an atmosphere is conjured up here, and you haven’t even mentioned atmosphere or people around you. It reminds me of seeing something grand and majestic and being unable to speak. The fact that you say “it hit you” suggests that it had a bigger impact on you than others, suggesting this night is important to you. And when people write about things that are important to them, it’s usually a better story.
The day I’d been waiting eagerly for was finally here, another chance to see five people who mean the world to me in the flesh. Curiosity lingered in my heart, ignited by the rumours that one of these men had changed, that the man who meant most to me no longer cared for his supporters and had become tainted by success and fortune. When I first read this, this was the line that stood out to me. Not only are you writing about a happy occasion, but there’s a hint of fear and mystery in it. And
:cheese: By the way. This line is so rich in emotions. This is the line that drew me to the story. It’s incredible :cute:.There was no comfort in their music, only insults and comedy. Though I like MSI, I got who you were talking about immediately. The fact that they were at My Chem’s show didn’t strike me at first but the harsh contrasts you’ve made really works in this story. Mindless Self Indulgence are the polar opposites of my heroes. Was this a sign, I asked myself, that My Chemical Romance were losing their values? Could the rumours be true? :cheese: :omfg: That is something I would never have thought to write down. It’s a connection I never made and :CHEESE: It drew me completely into the story. The way you’ve managed to describe MSI without being horrible but still showing your impatience for them is incredibly skilled. It’s made me imagine the atmosphere, all confusing and over the place without any comfort. It’s quite scary tbh, and your writing conjured all those emotions up. I’ll stop pasting paragraphs at a time now :tehe:
like stars in a night sky, illuminated by flame and strobe light. Too far away. This was interesting. Usually people describe My Chem as the stars. It was an interesting insight. :cute:
I was euphoric at getting such great seats. I feel really bitchy right now, but seeing as I need to give con/crit :tehe: This line didn’t fit in as well as the rest. I don’t know why, but compared to what you describe next it seems a little plain. (It’s just because I love this story, honest)
They were there, real and breathing, throwing their black clad forms into every note and syllable exhumed from their platform. At least, three of them were. Oh :cheese: Wow.
. This and the way you describe how they’d never been truly there before is just… Wow. It just shows you amazed you are to be here, and it’s almost surreal. And it makes a kind of overwhelming sadness that only three of them were there. By the way you’ve described everything you’re feeling, the fact that two of them weren’t there really makes the reader feel empathy. I don’t know if that’s what you intended, but it was fantastic. This paragraph was my favourite so far. :cute:the man who has helped me survive the tempest called life by teaching me things no amount of education could ever cover. The way you describe Gerard all through this is incredible. You seem to sum up what he does in such beautiful paragraphs of true words. I could never describe him with this intensity. It’s incredible, truly.
“We love you too, My Chemical Romance.” That would almost make it seem like a cliché tale, but I do know that actually happened at the concert, so it’s an amazing ending. I’m rambling, so I’ll get to the point. I adored this story. More so when I combed through it, trying to explain how much I loved it. It was incredible and you should never doubt anything you write if it’s anywhere near as good as this. :cute: :arms:
I agree with the part about the seat thing but I wrote this for school and the stupid teacher made me write every. fucking. thing out. She gave me a D when my old teacher gave me a A*. Bitch.
And yeah. Gerard's my hero. As much as I love the other guys, he's the one who changed my life. I just wrote how I feel about him.
But yeah... I'm speechless. Wow!