Dysfunctional Team: Pilot - Comments

So dude. Sick story, I gotta say. As everyone else here, I don't really know a whole lot about Transformers, but this was wicked. I really liked all your descriptive language. I felt like I could actually see everything you were describing. I don't want to be a dick, but yeah there were a few grammatical errors, but nothing fatal, I assure you. Just a few words missing the "ed's" at the ends, no biggie. Over all, I was real impressed with your vocabulary. It seemed vey vast, and I myself like a vast vocabulary. I don't really understand the whole "Season 1" and so on, thing you were talking about. Is this like a T.V show or something? Either way, it was very entertaining. I really liked when Swindle said "What the slag?" lol it reminded me of something my brother would say, and he's a pretty funny guy so there you go. It was interesting because you made it seem like the Transformers were real people. Yes, you were that descriptive, I was beginning to think of Swindle as just a regular old, smart-ass dude. Swindle seems like a cool bot. I'm interested to see where his adventures and silver tongue will take him. Keep it up man!

@ bullets are hailing.

First off, sweet name.

Second, thanks for reading this! Nice to see someelse read this (and remind me I should update the first season...). There are a lot of characters in my story to keep track of and you might need a sheet to keep count of them all. My story is pretty ambitious.

Overall, nice review!.

I don't know much about Transformers, but it was pretty refreshing to see a different kind of story that you don't normally see on here. (: Anyway, I like the way you describe the main character, immediately establishing that they were powerful and dangerous. Also, you were very descriptive and like I said, I don't know much about Transformers, but your story has given me some interesting info about it. Overall, awesome job!

@ Ella_Rose
It's alright. I understand.

@ Sybreed
Sorry the comment on the layout was kind of unnecessary. I hardly do layouts myself. I just wanted to make sure i filled the comment swap quotia.. Sorry

@ Ella_Rose

Yeah, sorry you couldn't get into it. Transformers isn't everyone's thing. As for the layout, I have no idea how it works. Not my type of thing. Bland and boring works for me just fine.

Thanks for the compliments.

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I'm sorry this was just not the piece for me. I couldn't get into it and felt completely clueless. It was very well written though and flowed nicely. You're descriptions were good though. The layout is kind of boring. Sorry I didn't have many nice thing to say. :( But good luck with this and continue with your writing.

@ Baroque Faeries;

Just read this today. Thanks for the compliments! I guess I should go ahead and post what I have of season 1 on here.

Great story! Sorry it took me so long to read it. You're really good with the descriptions and little details. :-)

@ LixieVengance

Yeah, I'm trying to find a good line between alien and human when describing everything. Obviously, I went a little too human with it. It, well. At least you like the story.

Before I begin, I think I should point out that I known nothing about Transformers, and have only seen the second movie. I like the way you describe cars/machines as people, but it confused me a little because half way through I started to believe they were people. I do like this though, I really enjoyed it :)

@ dragon_slayer

Yeah, I have no idea how to make a layout, so I have to that another time. Sorry.

Thanks for the compliments.

Is it weird that I read this in Optimus Prime's voice? LOL!

Erm... I'm a bit disappointed with the layout. When I imagine Transformers, I would see cars and metals and robots and I imagined the layout to be something like that. But, it's not such a big deal. As long as the story is easy to read, it's fine.

The first chapter is quite interesting with you introducing these robots and especially this main character, Swindle. Your writing is also good and I notice no grammatical error (not that I'm looking that hard, anyway)

Anyway, this is a really good story and keep up the good work. ^_^