June 5th, 2013 at 11:17pm
You definitely have a good story up, but if you don't mind me saying, with your dialogue you need to space them out; start a new paragraph.
This is actually something I never usually read though, I'm not a hockey fan and I have seen Sidney Crosby fictions around but never click on them but I am glad I opened this one. It's very interesting so far. Just remember to start a new paragraph when you have dialogue.
Okay I'll try to do that next time! :) and thank you ❤