On the Edge - Comments

I've read the first chapter, and the first word that pops into my mind is: interesting.
This is, interesting story-telling style. Definetly unusual. But it somehow works. It helps inserting the reader into the character in question with the use of the word 'you'.
...
Howver... That only works if the reader fits in with the demographic. Clearly this is driven for female readers, and as a male, it doesn't work as much. I'm not saying that it doesn't work, I'm just saying that it doesn't work for everyone. But, we can't please everyone. After all, as i said before, it is directed to a specific demographic.
The writing is very professional, I must admit. I didn't find any sort of grammatical or vocabulary mistakes. And it is captivating as to make us want to know what exactly Frank is going to do. However, for me, this isn't my kind of story. I tried to take a peek at the second chapter, and I just couldn't get into it. But that is me. Many people would like to read your story, and the introduction is really well done.

KEEP IT ALIVE!

Oh wow I really gotta STOP clicking new chapters before trying to make comments. FRICK!

I had a few paragraphs wriiten yet again. This is the fourth time its happened today fml.

ANYWAYS I COME FROM THE COMMENT SWAP MADNESS. I like your story. the feels are real and depressing. So Im speed reading it forgive me if I miss anything or seem weird. I am weird lol. But The descriptions and emotions in this are good. Well written.

Thank you for posting

I actually was a little confused over how you said it was in a certain character's point of view, but often referenced "you". Specifically in chapter three, you put it in Frank's point of view, but kept referencing memories and emotions to "you", and i think that needs to be clarified. Other than that, this story is great.

Hi Becca! I'm not a Romancer but I have to say that I love you story! I know a little bit of Gerard Way but almost nothing about the personality of the other members of the band. I think your Frank is very sweet and intimate guy. I like him, and I'm so sorry for his sadness, even if I don't know what it's due, yet!
Your writing is very imaginative and precise. English is not my language, but I think I understood almost everything. It's not always so!
Anyway, thank you for writing this story and thanks for mentioning the Pixies song "Where is my mind" ... I love that so song so much!!! :)

Comment Swap!

Even though I'm not familiar with this fandom based story, you've truly taken a original spin with the whole "you" pov.

Your paragraphs are nice and 'meaty' and written really well! Keep up the awesome writing!

*All of the comment swapping goodness*
I only have time to read 2 chapters but here's my comment!

I see amazing things in this story! The way it is written in second person apposed to first or third person. It is a way I love to see people write in, but I am not great at it myself. Also, the overall idea is pretty great. And something just hits me about the title 'On The Edge'. cx Great job!

I think it’s very unique that you used the second person point of view “you” in this story. I don’t see many stories that are written like that on Mibba, even though they’re pretty popular on sites like quizilla and tumblr. I think you do a pretty good job describing the scene, like the smell of her perfume and the messy apartment that is filled with Frank’s dirty clothing. I thought it was sad that Frank was crying and that he left so upset too. I think this story is pretty good so far, and the plot seems unique enough. Keep on writing!

(Comment Swap)

At first I was a bit wary. I think almost everyone is once you see that is is going to be using "you." But going into it judgments aside, it is very good! I think you actually mastered this perspective and you made it really easy to actually get into the story and visualize everything! I love all the little attention detail that comes from a "you" perspective!
My only thing is that I think your use of "Frank this," and "Frank that," almost got a little bit repetitive. Try to break up the sentences a little more. It's a little difficult with this perspective but it is just something you have to work on!
Other than that this is beautiful!

*Comment Swap
I actually like how you use "you"! It's a nice unique touch to the story. The story is well balanced. It's descriptive without being overbearing which is nice. I must say it took me awhile to get the difference between "girl" and "you" apart. But that may just be me. Overall it's an interesting story, I enjoyed the plot, and I can't wait to see where it goes. Keep it up!

@ Wynnie Shawn
Thank you so much for the feedback! Hopefully by the end of the story readers will realize why 'you' instead of 'she' worked best for this plot. I can't say too much of why that is because it'll give too much away! Haha, but thanks for reading and taking the time to comment :)

Hey it's good! I'm honestly not a big fan of the 'you' instead of 'she' bit but its pretty good other than that. I hope you continue!