Flies Don't Flutter In Rain - Comments

The imagery that you wrote up in this story made my skin feel like it was crawling. I could almost feel that crawling on my body of the flies and I felt really uncomfortable while reading this but take that as a compliment.

What I mean by that is that the descriptions were written well enough to make me feel like I was there and that's a good thing if you can evoke emotion in your reader. You should be proud of that.

This story was very refreshing in the sense that I liked this even though I wouldn't normally read a story like this. You left the ending open-ended which was great and I like the mystery in this. Good job.

@ sobre mi cadaver
Thank you for do my wish first off, it made me really happy!

thank you for noticing my mistakes, I knew something was off but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I'm not the best with understanding all the grammar rule (especially with staying in the same tense) but once again your editing skills are awesome

I will be fixing those errors soon hopefully,

thanks! :)

Mibba Make A Wish

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The flies were slowly migrating, and fluttering around his body

Since you only have two items here (think of it as a list) there’s no need to place a comma before and. The comma is normally used when listing more than two things (ex: I love puppies, kitties, and rabbits)

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I looked around anywhere, but at the body that lay alongside me.

Since but here is not being used as a conjunction, there’s no need to place a comma before it.

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I shake my head rapidly while bringing my hands up to my head to grasp unto my hair. Maybe the pain from the hair ripping from my skull could lessen me having to make a decision. I didn’t want to leave him, even though his body was half way gone now. But, I knew I had to. I had to find the answer we were looking for, or everything would amount to nothing.

In this part you changed from past tense to present tense. It looked a bit awkward when reading it and I couldn’t pin-point why, but then I noticed the tense of the verbs. It’s important to keep the consistency of the tense with which you started your story; this is to keep the flow going and not interrupt it.

Other than that, I did not notice any other grammar/tense issues with your story.

Now onto the actual plot; I really like how gloomy and decaying the feeling of this piece was. It was a refreshing in a sense, since these type of stories are rarely explored. Also, I really liked how you explored the relationship between the narrator and the decomposing body (her father; the narrator is a girl, right?); it is rare that we see pieces of father/daughter relationships and even though this one was about the death of her father, it still showed facets of the girl’s relationship with him and how they knew each other.

I also couldn’t help but feel terrified for the narrator and how she talked about “the men”. It is terrifying, being homeless (from what I gathered from the story) and being left alone by her protector.
On the layout, I wish it had a personalized one because the piece itself is wonderful, but a layout could greatly improve the feeling of the story.

Overall, I really liked this story; it is refreshing, interesting, and it left me wanting to know how the narrator makes it through by herself.

@ loversandfriends
sorry im so late replying but thank you for the review! it really made my day and I love you noticed my little mistake. Thanks a lot :)

wow this kinda blew me away hah. I really enjoyed reading it and i especially loved how you left it a mystery. The only thing the reader know is the death of a father; the rest is up to them to figure out. I think you nailed that mystery thing perfectly. You were detailed enough and your words gave supsense and wonder i havent seen often on mibba. The only spelling/grammar problem i saw was at the beginning : "we still where" i think you meant "were" A simple mistake but other than that this story was quite good c: