When Silver Men Die - Comments

WHAT IS THIS TALENT OF YOURS.
I love everything about this.
A beautiful layout and a tragically haunting tone.
It's a beautiful story and I love it so much. ♥

First, the layout is so gorgeous. I love how you used different patterns but still matched them together really well and the banner picture is fantastic.

Your descriptions are flawless. You've created such a unique story, and added so many amazingg descriptions that made it feel like this story had actually happened. Like this silvery man had actually turned into buutterflies and flown away. It was really great.

I do agree with fascination though, some parts did seem a bit choppy and broke the flow just a little bit. It was mostly near the beginning for me, when you were talking about the cold.

Gorgeous story though. Amazing job!

the layout is so simple and i adore it, but the text is a bit too light for me to see; i had to highlight the words to read it, so maybe try a bit darker shade of gray :)?

moving on to the AMAZING story you have here. It's such a unique idea and I can tell the words are based upon the banner, which is really cool in my opinion. I also love how you didn't use any dialogue but you could still tell how much the boy loved the one who was dying and exactly what the scene looked like. You have gorgeous descriptions and I'm very curious as to why this boy was silver in the first place. I also have to say that your title is magnificent and completely drew me in from the beginning.

The only thing I wasn't a big fan of was the choppiness of the sentences. I know that some of this choppiness was used as emphasis for certain parts of the story but it continues through all the gorgeous writing and that makes it lack a flow it needs. I'd definitely try using more complex sentences so the ideas can flow instead of constantly be choppy; which lessens the effect of these short sentences when needed.

You have an amazing writing talent !