Spring Fever - Comments

Comment Swap:

Okay, bad stuff first: Your tense is all over the place, and the punctuation is random. It’s distracting. Make sure to proofread before posting!

I did not read everything because you have quite a bit posted! However, I think this story would be made even better by slowing down and really getting into the nitty gritty. Your first chapter is 500 words long, and it covers a 12+ hour period. Corlyn and Lennox are BFFs sneaking out to a concert that’s going to change their lives, and they know it! That road trip is a great opportunity to show their relationship and expand on their individual personalities. I’d personally like to know more about them. They are more than the men they’re attracted to.

@ OvercastGirl
oh my. oh dear. I'm excited

@ gaskankerella
Haha. I have something in store for you. c;

Oh goodness. :D

@Maydaysquidgy Sure thing! c;

The arse part sounds like something I'd do oops.
But I think this is great. If you could describe the OC's more that's be great too though. keep going though c:

@ ironi1234
Okay. Thank you so so much! c:

This is a great beginning! I can't wait to see where you'll take it. The only thing I'd like to suggest is that you describe the ocs more. It's hard to imagine them when theres barely a description. Other than that its really good! Cant wait for this :D