Okay, bad stuff first: Your tense is all over the place, and the punctuation is random. It’s distracting. Make sure to proofread before posting!
I did not read everything because you have quite a bit posted! However, I think this story would be made even better by slowing down and really getting into the nitty gritty. Your first chapter is 500 words long, and it covers a 12+ hour period. Corlyn and Lennox are BFFs sneaking out to a concert that’s going to change their lives, and they know it! That road trip is a great opportunity to show their relationship and expand on their individual personalities. I’d personally like to know more about them. They are more than the men they’re attracted to.
The arse part sounds like something I'd do oops. But I think this is great. If you could describe the OC's more that's be great too though. keep going though c:
This is a great beginning! I can't wait to see where you'll take it. The only thing I'd like to suggest is that you describe the ocs more. It's hard to imagine them when theres barely a description. Other than that its really good! Cant wait for this :D
Okay, bad stuff first: Your tense is all over the place, and the punctuation is random. It’s distracting. Make sure to proofread before posting!
I did not read everything because you have quite a bit posted! However, I think this story would be made even better by slowing down and really getting into the nitty gritty. Your first chapter is 500 words long, and it covers a 12+ hour period. Corlyn and Lennox are BFFs sneaking out to a concert that’s going to change their lives, and they know it! That road trip is a great opportunity to show their relationship and expand on their individual personalities. I’d personally like to know more about them. They are more than the men they’re attracted to.